The Caricature
by John McGroarty
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: None.
Description: The state of television news more than twenty years ago. Nothing has changed.
_____________________________________________________________________
The caricature of its former self locked the toilet door and looked in the mirror. “I’m exactly… exactly the same,” it said leaning forward and looking into its eyes until its breath on the glass clouded out the image.
“Here is the news,” it said.
“The famous footballer and the equally famous singer have had a tiff. She says that she’s fed up with his playing keepy up in the main hall of the castle that they share in West Sussex and that if he doesn’t mend his ways she’s going back to her mum. He says that because he’s in the news again the club should give him a substantial pay rise.
The remains of Pharaoh Ramrod the four hundred and twenty second have been discovered by a team of businessmen making the fourteenth part of the long awaited “Curse of the Mummy” series. The discovery is live on the Documentary Channel and can be accessed by phoning 666 666 666 now and quoting your bank account number. All charges are kept to a minimum.
The mobile phone company Talk have launched a poetry competition with a canteen of cutlery as the first prize. Last year’s winner has jut been nominated for the Talk Mobile Prize:
Fax me, fax me
Fax me a lot
And I will wax
Lyrical on the
Ring of the tune
That you hear.
All costs kept to a minimum.
The prime minister has announced that there are lots of wars in faraway places of which we know little and can do less unless there is oil involved, making them a threat to our freedom to take the car to the chippy a hundred yards down the road.
A cat in Armament Texas has been stuck up a tree for two days now. We’ll leave you with syndicated images from the rescue attempt. The cat’s name is George and it was recently operated on live on TV on Texas’ equivalent of Pet Surgery, which is next after twenty minutes of swashbuckling adverts.
Good evening.”
The caricature of its former self straightened its tie. “Not a bit, still the same,” it said decidedly. The caricature winked at itself. It was live in four minutes. As it headed out the door, like the proverbial last newsreader to leave the building, it turned out the light.
Swearwords: None.
Description: The state of television news more than twenty years ago. Nothing has changed.
_____________________________________________________________________
The caricature of its former self locked the toilet door and looked in the mirror. “I’m exactly… exactly the same,” it said leaning forward and looking into its eyes until its breath on the glass clouded out the image.
“Here is the news,” it said.
“The famous footballer and the equally famous singer have had a tiff. She says that she’s fed up with his playing keepy up in the main hall of the castle that they share in West Sussex and that if he doesn’t mend his ways she’s going back to her mum. He says that because he’s in the news again the club should give him a substantial pay rise.
The remains of Pharaoh Ramrod the four hundred and twenty second have been discovered by a team of businessmen making the fourteenth part of the long awaited “Curse of the Mummy” series. The discovery is live on the Documentary Channel and can be accessed by phoning 666 666 666 now and quoting your bank account number. All charges are kept to a minimum.
The mobile phone company Talk have launched a poetry competition with a canteen of cutlery as the first prize. Last year’s winner has jut been nominated for the Talk Mobile Prize:
Fax me, fax me
Fax me a lot
And I will wax
Lyrical on the
Ring of the tune
That you hear.
All costs kept to a minimum.
The prime minister has announced that there are lots of wars in faraway places of which we know little and can do less unless there is oil involved, making them a threat to our freedom to take the car to the chippy a hundred yards down the road.
A cat in Armament Texas has been stuck up a tree for two days now. We’ll leave you with syndicated images from the rescue attempt. The cat’s name is George and it was recently operated on live on TV on Texas’ equivalent of Pet Surgery, which is next after twenty minutes of swashbuckling adverts.
Good evening.”
The caricature of its former self straightened its tie. “Not a bit, still the same,” it said decidedly. The caricature winked at itself. It was live in four minutes. As it headed out the door, like the proverbial last newsreader to leave the building, it turned out the light.
About the Author
John McGroarty was born in Glasgow and now lives in Barcelona, where he works as an English teacher. He has been writing short stories for many years. His acclaimed long short story Rainbow is a McStorytellers publication.