Annie Christie's Family Fictions:
Episode Ten
Genre: Drama
Swearwords: None.
Description: Secret diaries and imaginary friends.
_____________________________________________________________________
I’m not proud of myself, Casey. I promised myself I’d tell you everything. And in the end it’s probably good that I did what I did but I want you to know I’m not proud of myself. Not then and not even now. I read Ellie’s diary. I told myself it was to find out what she was thinking. How she was dealing with this situation. I wanted to share my pain. And what I found out worried me. A lot.
She was writing all about Alasdair. It doesn’t matter how – I’ll explain that to you later - but I still have the jotter, so I’m going to copy it out for you. It’s so long ago that it’s not private any more, is it? And you don’t think there should be secrets… even though it’s not my secret to keep or reveal. Here’s what she had written:
Friday August 2nd 1996 My life changed today. I met Alasdair. He’s incredible. I’ve never met a boy like him before. I think this is going to be a good holiday after all. Marco came. Ads isn’t happy about it. I don’t really care. But I wonder why he never went on holiday with his own family.
Saturday August 3rd 1996 We had to go out in a boat with Marco and it was really boring, though I kept looking out for Alasdair but I couldn’t see him. As soon as I could I got off the boat and I went up to Castle Dare, but Ads came with me. No sign of Alasdair. Ads left. Then he came. He said not to tell anyone about him. I asked why. He wouldn’t say. Then he left.
Sunday August 4th 1996 I went to Castle Dare again. I was hoping that Alasdair would turn up. He did after a bit and we had a lot of time just talking to each other. I really like him. He’s different from other boys. I don’t just mean his clothes – he’s not fashionable – he says it’s his working clothes. He works with his dad on the other side of the loch. Near Carsaig, I think he said. He says he’s really glad he’s met me. He said he’d been waiting for me, but maybe I misheard him because I was there first. He’s got a lovely accent, soft, and sometimes it’s hard to tell exactly what he says. He told me his first language is Gaelic. He said he’ll teach me if I come back tomorrow. Of course I’ll come back tomorrow. I think I might be falling in love with him. And there’s nothing else to do at the Cottage. There was a big fight between mum and dad and dad left. I don’t know where he went. I didn’t even know if there was a Sunday ferry so I hope he’s just gone to some other place to cool down for a bit. I’ve never seen my parents fight like that before. I wish Marco hadn’t come.
Monday August 5th 1996 Dad didn’t come back. I decided to keep out of the way. Mum, Marco and Ollie went on a picnic to Calgary. I thought maybe they were going to meet dad. I didn’t want to get involved in another fight and I did want to see Alasdair. Ads is asking questions about him but I’m not telling him. I waited for him for a long time and then he sneaked up on me from behind. And he kissed me. I kissed him back. It was my first real kiss. But he said not to tell anyone. I won’t. He said to come and meet him after dinner. I can’t wait.
Tuesday August 6th 1996 Last night Alasdair told me he’s got a girlfriend. Her name is Helen. I was gutted for a minute. I asked him why he even kissed me. He said he was sorry about it. Then he said, no, he wasn’t sorry because he liked kissing me. He said I just reminded him of Helen, when he saw me standing at Castle Dare like that. I said it was okay. But it isn’t really. I didn’t tell Alasdair that I told Ads his name. He won’t trust me if I tell him and I might not see him again. It’s a lie, but only a little one. Ads won’t tell anyway.
Wednesday August 7th 1996 I didn’t see Alasdair today. I hope it wasn’t because of Helen and the kiss. Or because I told Ads about him. He was asking questions – nosey Ads as usual. I said he had a girlfriend. But what if Alasdair knows I lied? I went to Castle Dare and I waited for hours but he never came. I looked out over the Loch to see if I could see him working the hills with his father, but no sign of him. I miss him. Ads is acting stupid and Ollie is caught up with Marco. Mum is trying to pretend nothing has happened.
Thursday August 8th 1996 No Alasdair again. I’m wondering if I could go out in the boat and row over to Carsaig by myself and find him. I don’t care if he’s got a girlfriend. I just want to see him. It’s so bad here with mum and Marco. It’s like dad is dead. I hate them all. I miss dad. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. I mean, when we get back to home he might have left and Marco might move in. I can’t bear to think about it.
Friday August 9th 1996 I saw Alasdair again. He came to Castle Dare. He said sorry about not having seen me the last couple of days. He said he was busy. And he told me not to tell about him and me. So he doesn’t know I told Ads. I think maybe his girlfriend didn’t want him to see me. It makes me miserable. Everything is horrid and even the boy I love has someone else and I’ve got no one to talk to. I hate this holiday. I wish we’d never come here – except I still love Alasdair no matter what.
Saturday August 10th 1996 I didn’t see Alasdair today. I wanted to but it was raining and we stayed at home all day. I was hoping dad might come back but he didn’t. I think Ads was waiting for him too. But no one’s really talking to each other now. Only stupid stuff. Pretending to be polite and all that sort of thing. Mum’s looking sad though. I wonder if she realises she’s made a mistake. She might be hoping dad might show up again as well. I wish they would sort it out.
Sunday August 11th 1996 I’d had enough of them. They all went to the Fossil Tree – Ollie and Marco and Mum. Ads and I stayed home. He tried to phone dad. I was hoping dad would turn up but it was pretty clear he wasn’t going to, so I went to Castle Dare. I felt a bit bad leaving Ads but I wanted to see Alasdair. And Alasdair was there. He kissed me again. I kissed him back. I asked him about his girlfriend. He said don’t worry about that. And he said that it was a kiss for a dare at Castle Dare. I asked him what the dare was and he said he dared me to row to Carsaig. On Thursday. He said I have to bring the boys with me to help with the rowing and then we can meet Helen, that’s his girlfriend. I want to meet her. I’m not jealous or anything. I mean, I love Alasdair but I know it’s not to be between us. I have to go home and back to school. But want to see what girl it is that he loves so much. I don’t care if he loves Helen more than me. I still love him. And when he meets Ollie and Ads on Thursday it won’t be a secret any more. So I said yes to the dare and he kissed me again.
~ ~ ~
After I’d read the diary, I didn’t know what to think. I could see where Ollie was coming from. It all sounded pretty much like fantasy to me. Now I know that twelve year old girls have a romantic view of the world but this was less teen romance and more weird sister. A kiss for a dare and all that stuff.
I felt bad about reading it, though, and I decided to come clean with Ellie. So I went to Castle Dare to see if I could find her. On the way I walked and talked myself out of my confession and by the time I finally got there I sort of hoped I would see her snogging some wee teuchter called Ally behind the Daisy Cheape monument so that I could ‘know’ for real. But I didn’t. There was no sign of her. No sign of the possibly fictional Alasdair. No sign of anyone. There wasn’t a tourist in sight.
I went into the National Trust property at the Burg. I didn’t have my card – dad had taken that with him – but I reckoned the old lady would remember us. She wasn’t anywhere in sight either. But there was something I hadn’t expected. There was this laminated bit of paper, sitting on the table, talking about the history of Castle Dare and Daisy Cheape. And it read:
Swearwords: None.
Description: Secret diaries and imaginary friends.
_____________________________________________________________________
I’m not proud of myself, Casey. I promised myself I’d tell you everything. And in the end it’s probably good that I did what I did but I want you to know I’m not proud of myself. Not then and not even now. I read Ellie’s diary. I told myself it was to find out what she was thinking. How she was dealing with this situation. I wanted to share my pain. And what I found out worried me. A lot.
She was writing all about Alasdair. It doesn’t matter how – I’ll explain that to you later - but I still have the jotter, so I’m going to copy it out for you. It’s so long ago that it’s not private any more, is it? And you don’t think there should be secrets… even though it’s not my secret to keep or reveal. Here’s what she had written:
Friday August 2nd 1996 My life changed today. I met Alasdair. He’s incredible. I’ve never met a boy like him before. I think this is going to be a good holiday after all. Marco came. Ads isn’t happy about it. I don’t really care. But I wonder why he never went on holiday with his own family.
Saturday August 3rd 1996 We had to go out in a boat with Marco and it was really boring, though I kept looking out for Alasdair but I couldn’t see him. As soon as I could I got off the boat and I went up to Castle Dare, but Ads came with me. No sign of Alasdair. Ads left. Then he came. He said not to tell anyone about him. I asked why. He wouldn’t say. Then he left.
Sunday August 4th 1996 I went to Castle Dare again. I was hoping that Alasdair would turn up. He did after a bit and we had a lot of time just talking to each other. I really like him. He’s different from other boys. I don’t just mean his clothes – he’s not fashionable – he says it’s his working clothes. He works with his dad on the other side of the loch. Near Carsaig, I think he said. He says he’s really glad he’s met me. He said he’d been waiting for me, but maybe I misheard him because I was there first. He’s got a lovely accent, soft, and sometimes it’s hard to tell exactly what he says. He told me his first language is Gaelic. He said he’ll teach me if I come back tomorrow. Of course I’ll come back tomorrow. I think I might be falling in love with him. And there’s nothing else to do at the Cottage. There was a big fight between mum and dad and dad left. I don’t know where he went. I didn’t even know if there was a Sunday ferry so I hope he’s just gone to some other place to cool down for a bit. I’ve never seen my parents fight like that before. I wish Marco hadn’t come.
Monday August 5th 1996 Dad didn’t come back. I decided to keep out of the way. Mum, Marco and Ollie went on a picnic to Calgary. I thought maybe they were going to meet dad. I didn’t want to get involved in another fight and I did want to see Alasdair. Ads is asking questions about him but I’m not telling him. I waited for him for a long time and then he sneaked up on me from behind. And he kissed me. I kissed him back. It was my first real kiss. But he said not to tell anyone. I won’t. He said to come and meet him after dinner. I can’t wait.
Tuesday August 6th 1996 Last night Alasdair told me he’s got a girlfriend. Her name is Helen. I was gutted for a minute. I asked him why he even kissed me. He said he was sorry about it. Then he said, no, he wasn’t sorry because he liked kissing me. He said I just reminded him of Helen, when he saw me standing at Castle Dare like that. I said it was okay. But it isn’t really. I didn’t tell Alasdair that I told Ads his name. He won’t trust me if I tell him and I might not see him again. It’s a lie, but only a little one. Ads won’t tell anyway.
Wednesday August 7th 1996 I didn’t see Alasdair today. I hope it wasn’t because of Helen and the kiss. Or because I told Ads about him. He was asking questions – nosey Ads as usual. I said he had a girlfriend. But what if Alasdair knows I lied? I went to Castle Dare and I waited for hours but he never came. I looked out over the Loch to see if I could see him working the hills with his father, but no sign of him. I miss him. Ads is acting stupid and Ollie is caught up with Marco. Mum is trying to pretend nothing has happened.
Thursday August 8th 1996 No Alasdair again. I’m wondering if I could go out in the boat and row over to Carsaig by myself and find him. I don’t care if he’s got a girlfriend. I just want to see him. It’s so bad here with mum and Marco. It’s like dad is dead. I hate them all. I miss dad. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. I mean, when we get back to home he might have left and Marco might move in. I can’t bear to think about it.
Friday August 9th 1996 I saw Alasdair again. He came to Castle Dare. He said sorry about not having seen me the last couple of days. He said he was busy. And he told me not to tell about him and me. So he doesn’t know I told Ads. I think maybe his girlfriend didn’t want him to see me. It makes me miserable. Everything is horrid and even the boy I love has someone else and I’ve got no one to talk to. I hate this holiday. I wish we’d never come here – except I still love Alasdair no matter what.
Saturday August 10th 1996 I didn’t see Alasdair today. I wanted to but it was raining and we stayed at home all day. I was hoping dad might come back but he didn’t. I think Ads was waiting for him too. But no one’s really talking to each other now. Only stupid stuff. Pretending to be polite and all that sort of thing. Mum’s looking sad though. I wonder if she realises she’s made a mistake. She might be hoping dad might show up again as well. I wish they would sort it out.
Sunday August 11th 1996 I’d had enough of them. They all went to the Fossil Tree – Ollie and Marco and Mum. Ads and I stayed home. He tried to phone dad. I was hoping dad would turn up but it was pretty clear he wasn’t going to, so I went to Castle Dare. I felt a bit bad leaving Ads but I wanted to see Alasdair. And Alasdair was there. He kissed me again. I kissed him back. I asked him about his girlfriend. He said don’t worry about that. And he said that it was a kiss for a dare at Castle Dare. I asked him what the dare was and he said he dared me to row to Carsaig. On Thursday. He said I have to bring the boys with me to help with the rowing and then we can meet Helen, that’s his girlfriend. I want to meet her. I’m not jealous or anything. I mean, I love Alasdair but I know it’s not to be between us. I have to go home and back to school. But want to see what girl it is that he loves so much. I don’t care if he loves Helen more than me. I still love him. And when he meets Ollie and Ads on Thursday it won’t be a secret any more. So I said yes to the dare and he kissed me again.
~ ~ ~
After I’d read the diary, I didn’t know what to think. I could see where Ollie was coming from. It all sounded pretty much like fantasy to me. Now I know that twelve year old girls have a romantic view of the world but this was less teen romance and more weird sister. A kiss for a dare and all that stuff.
I felt bad about reading it, though, and I decided to come clean with Ellie. So I went to Castle Dare to see if I could find her. On the way I walked and talked myself out of my confession and by the time I finally got there I sort of hoped I would see her snogging some wee teuchter called Ally behind the Daisy Cheape monument so that I could ‘know’ for real. But I didn’t. There was no sign of her. No sign of the possibly fictional Alasdair. No sign of anyone. There wasn’t a tourist in sight.
I went into the National Trust property at the Burg. I didn’t have my card – dad had taken that with him – but I reckoned the old lady would remember us. She wasn’t anywhere in sight either. But there was something I hadn’t expected. There was this laminated bit of paper, sitting on the table, talking about the history of Castle Dare and Daisy Cheape. And it read:
Daisy’s family owned the Tiroran and Carsaig Estates. She died, aged twelve, when the small boat she was in with her brothers Ronald and Leslie was overtaken by a storm as they sailed to Carsaig. The boat capsized and sank with Daisy caught in the rigging; the boatmen and her brothers survived. Her proper name was Helen Margaret Cheape.
That totally freaked me out. I went outside and stood at Castle Dare. I saw the date. August 15th 1896. That was a hundred years ago on Thursday. And hadn’t Ellie said in her diary that Alasdair had wanted us to row out in the boat on the 15th? A kiss for a ‘dare’ now seemed less romantic rubbish and more dark and dangerous. My mind was racing. I wondered if Ellie knew how Daisy Cheape drowned. I wondered if she knew Daisy’s real name was Helen. I wondered whether Ollie and I were being asked to be Ronald and Leslie. Most of all I wondered what this was all about and who the hell this Alasdair was.
About the Author
Annie Christie is a pretty ordinary person, except that she was born Annie Christie and then married a man called Christie and so is still called Christie despite having taken on her husband’s name. She sometimes wonders if she should have called herself Christie-Christie: but who would believe that?
Born near Drum of Wartle in Aberdeenshire, Annie moved as swiftly as possible to a place with a less bizarre name – Edinburgh – but the bizarreness chased her and she now lives with her husband Rab in rural Galloway, with a Kirkcudbrightshire postcode. (That's Cur coo bree shire to the uninitiated.) She is an active member of the Infinite Jigsaw Project and is now happy to be welcomed into McStorytellers with her first published serial, Family Fictions.
Born near Drum of Wartle in Aberdeenshire, Annie moved as swiftly as possible to a place with a less bizarre name – Edinburgh – but the bizarreness chased her and she now lives with her husband Rab in rural Galloway, with a Kirkcudbrightshire postcode. (That's Cur coo bree shire to the uninitiated.) She is an active member of the Infinite Jigsaw Project and is now happy to be welcomed into McStorytellers with her first published serial, Family Fictions.