Second Sentences
by Michael C. Keith
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: None.
Description: One man's profundity is another man's joke.
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Pose your questions to people and you will get countless useless answers.
– Dejan Stojanovic
Writer Simon Bellamy asked a fellow scribe if he would contribute a follow up line to those listed in his message. He felt the sentences possessed a certain power and uniqueness worth cultivating, but he was suffering from a case of writer’s block and unable to expand on them. Not long after he sent out his email request, he received the following suggestions (noted in italics):
Our heads are clogged with the detritus of human experience.
An ear cleansing solution and nasal decongestant purchased at his local pharmacy helped Ethan experience life from a clear perspective.
Fate had given Harry Donovan everything it had earmarked for him, and regrettably it had fallen short of his hopes and expectations.
Harry was miserable because he had yet to bowl a perfect 300.
The woman stared back at her severed legs as if looking into an aquarium tank filled with iridescent jellyfish.
Inexplicably, a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich allowed her to continue jogging without her lower appendages.
Bella Consuela reached her hand into the sticky yellow place.
And kept it there until the police were forced to taze her.
Seymour found a way to illuminate the darkest corners of his mind.
By switching from a 40 to 100 watt light bulb.
You just don’t get old; you feel others withering.
Heloise found a better place to rest her hand during intimacy with her elderly husband.
A fortune-teller told Wilma that it was in the past that she would find true happiness.
So she threw her car in reverse and ran over her ex-husband and his beautiful young fiancée.
And there she was . . . alone in the sultry innards of her Bahamas’ hotel bedroom.
With her 3XL Plus Size baby doll negligee stretched to its absolute limits.
We’re all molecules of energy passing through the wormhole of eternity.
So one really must watch one’s caloric intake if one hopes to get to the other side.
How quick the body cools and stiffens.
That was the existential problem confronting Craig as he searched for the right dosage of Viagra.
Disappointed and irritated by what he felt were contrived––if not intentionally bogus––replies from his so-called colleague, Simon asked if he would provide him with an additional companion sentence. This one for the following:
He knew his dumb-ass writing cohort had far less talent than he did, so he wasn’t surprised by his grossly inadequate contributions.
Simon no longer felt blocked.
Swearwords: None.
Description: One man's profundity is another man's joke.
_____________________________________________________________________
Pose your questions to people and you will get countless useless answers.
– Dejan Stojanovic
Writer Simon Bellamy asked a fellow scribe if he would contribute a follow up line to those listed in his message. He felt the sentences possessed a certain power and uniqueness worth cultivating, but he was suffering from a case of writer’s block and unable to expand on them. Not long after he sent out his email request, he received the following suggestions (noted in italics):
Our heads are clogged with the detritus of human experience.
An ear cleansing solution and nasal decongestant purchased at his local pharmacy helped Ethan experience life from a clear perspective.
Fate had given Harry Donovan everything it had earmarked for him, and regrettably it had fallen short of his hopes and expectations.
Harry was miserable because he had yet to bowl a perfect 300.
The woman stared back at her severed legs as if looking into an aquarium tank filled with iridescent jellyfish.
Inexplicably, a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich allowed her to continue jogging without her lower appendages.
Bella Consuela reached her hand into the sticky yellow place.
And kept it there until the police were forced to taze her.
Seymour found a way to illuminate the darkest corners of his mind.
By switching from a 40 to 100 watt light bulb.
You just don’t get old; you feel others withering.
Heloise found a better place to rest her hand during intimacy with her elderly husband.
A fortune-teller told Wilma that it was in the past that she would find true happiness.
So she threw her car in reverse and ran over her ex-husband and his beautiful young fiancée.
And there she was . . . alone in the sultry innards of her Bahamas’ hotel bedroom.
With her 3XL Plus Size baby doll negligee stretched to its absolute limits.
We’re all molecules of energy passing through the wormhole of eternity.
So one really must watch one’s caloric intake if one hopes to get to the other side.
How quick the body cools and stiffens.
That was the existential problem confronting Craig as he searched for the right dosage of Viagra.
Disappointed and irritated by what he felt were contrived––if not intentionally bogus––replies from his so-called colleague, Simon asked if he would provide him with an additional companion sentence. This one for the following:
He knew his dumb-ass writing cohort had far less talent than he did, so he wasn’t surprised by his grossly inadequate contributions.
Simon no longer felt blocked.
About the Author
Originally from Albany, New York, Michael C. Keith has paternal family roots stretching back to Clan Keith of Caithness and Aberdeenshire. A leading scholar in electronic media in the United States, he is the author of over 20 books on electronic media, as well as a memoir and three books of fiction. Much more about Michael and his publications can be found on his website: http://www.michaelckeith.com