Saikint Haun'
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: None.
Description: Waitin’ fur Gawd knows whit.
_____________________________________________________________________
“A'm no' shair a'm talkin' tae you.”
“How?”
“Wull.....whairuv ye been?”
“Whit d'ye mean bey rat? Whairuv ye been? Whair dae a evur go?”
“Rat's whit a'm askin' ye. Ye disappear an' nivir crack oan is tae whair yu'v been.”
“A'm seek fed up a' tellin' ye, it wid bore ye tae tears so it wid.”
“Oh aye, rat aul' chestnut, eh? Yu'v nae time fur me ataw so yu'v no'.”
“It wid take faur too long tae explain. Ach! A'v no' git time fur ris. Rat's me aff again, sees ye later.”
* * *
“Oh, yur rer. Listen. A'm sorry aboot ri last tum.”
“Ach, don't sweat it. Ye wur jeest huvin' a crabbit meenit.”
“It's jeest.......wull....a ken wur workin' tewards ri same en's 'n' rat bit, ye seem tae bey getting' aff yer mark fur maist e' ri time...ken?”
“Rat's jeest ri wye a 'hings so it is. Ye'd 'hink ye'd bey yaised tae it bey noo.”
“Amurr. Naw, really, amurr. Birrit jeest seems tae take furivir afore yer back sumtums so it dis.”
“A'v tel't ye a hunner times ur mair, it takes exactly ri same time ev'ry time so it dis. Yu'll jeest need tae keep rat in mind, eh?”
“A s'pose aye, 'Zat you awaw again?......Jeezo.”
“Aye. Sees ye efter oan. Cheery bye.”
* * *
“Didnae seem tae bey is long ris tum.”
“Rer y'are, see. Poasitive 'hinkin', rat's how it works.”
“A'll need tae try rat mair oafin so a wull. Poasitive 'hinkin', aye.”
“Ye wull rat, aye. Rissis ri kinna reception a should bey gerrin' ev'ry tum a show up so it is.”
“Wull, a cannae guarantee it birrit's certainly a loat pleasintur rin fawin' oot aw ri time, intit?”
“A'll say. Pits a wee birra zing in ri relationship, din't it?”
“Aye. Ope, 'zat you offski again? Sees ye soon.......ish, he-he.”
“Oh, aye, rat's me fur anurr sweep so it is; laters.”
* * *
“A'v bin 'hinkin'.”
“Mind ye don't hurt yersel.”
“Funny. Naw, it's jeest, whit wid ye say tae a thurd pairty getting' involved?”
“Ye sayin' whit a 'hink yur sayin'?”
“Wull...aye...a s'pose a'murr.”
“Rat could mibbes work, aye, wi hid sum'hin' lit rat gaun' afore, mind?”
“Oh aye, so wi did. A widnae mind dain' it again so a widnae.”
“Weel, wi ken whit happen't ri last tum dain't wi?”
“A'm still no' shair whit happen't exactly.”
“It wis rone Uri Geller fulla, mind?”
“Rat's right, rat's right a mind noo.....a 'hink.”
“A'll bey back in aboot an 'oor. Wull talk mair aboot ris ren, OK?
* * *
“Ye wur sayin'?”
“Oh aye, Uri Geller, rat's whye ri saikint haun' stoaped so it is.”
“Remind mey.”
“Rone Uri Geller wis oan ri telly, birrey says 'es powers wis oan ri decline an 'e wis nae guid et ri spin bennin' noo. An' rat's whin ri saikint haun geid up ri ghost. 'Snivir moved since.”
“Wull 'e should mibbe come back an' fix it. A'd raithur huv a wee chat 'n' rat wance't a meenit insteed e' wance't an 'oor lit noo. Nae affence.”
“Nane taken. A liked it better tae, an' a espeshly liked it whin aw three e' is met up fae time tae time. Rat wis braw, rat wis pairty time so it wis.”
“It wis rat. Jeezo, is rat you high tailin' it already?”
Swearwords: None.
Description: Waitin’ fur Gawd knows whit.
_____________________________________________________________________
“A'm no' shair a'm talkin' tae you.”
“How?”
“Wull.....whairuv ye been?”
“Whit d'ye mean bey rat? Whairuv ye been? Whair dae a evur go?”
“Rat's whit a'm askin' ye. Ye disappear an' nivir crack oan is tae whair yu'v been.”
“A'm seek fed up a' tellin' ye, it wid bore ye tae tears so it wid.”
“Oh aye, rat aul' chestnut, eh? Yu'v nae time fur me ataw so yu'v no'.”
“It wid take faur too long tae explain. Ach! A'v no' git time fur ris. Rat's me aff again, sees ye later.”
* * *
“Oh, yur rer. Listen. A'm sorry aboot ri last tum.”
“Ach, don't sweat it. Ye wur jeest huvin' a crabbit meenit.”
“It's jeest.......wull....a ken wur workin' tewards ri same en's 'n' rat bit, ye seem tae bey getting' aff yer mark fur maist e' ri time...ken?”
“Rat's jeest ri wye a 'hings so it is. Ye'd 'hink ye'd bey yaised tae it bey noo.”
“Amurr. Naw, really, amurr. Birrit jeest seems tae take furivir afore yer back sumtums so it dis.”
“A'v tel't ye a hunner times ur mair, it takes exactly ri same time ev'ry time so it dis. Yu'll jeest need tae keep rat in mind, eh?”
“A s'pose aye, 'Zat you awaw again?......Jeezo.”
“Aye. Sees ye efter oan. Cheery bye.”
* * *
“Didnae seem tae bey is long ris tum.”
“Rer y'are, see. Poasitive 'hinkin', rat's how it works.”
“A'll need tae try rat mair oafin so a wull. Poasitive 'hinkin', aye.”
“Ye wull rat, aye. Rissis ri kinna reception a should bey gerrin' ev'ry tum a show up so it is.”
“Wull, a cannae guarantee it birrit's certainly a loat pleasintur rin fawin' oot aw ri time, intit?”
“A'll say. Pits a wee birra zing in ri relationship, din't it?”
“Aye. Ope, 'zat you offski again? Sees ye soon.......ish, he-he.”
“Oh, aye, rat's me fur anurr sweep so it is; laters.”
* * *
“A'v bin 'hinkin'.”
“Mind ye don't hurt yersel.”
“Funny. Naw, it's jeest, whit wid ye say tae a thurd pairty getting' involved?”
“Ye sayin' whit a 'hink yur sayin'?”
“Wull...aye...a s'pose a'murr.”
“Rat could mibbes work, aye, wi hid sum'hin' lit rat gaun' afore, mind?”
“Oh aye, so wi did. A widnae mind dain' it again so a widnae.”
“Weel, wi ken whit happen't ri last tum dain't wi?”
“A'm still no' shair whit happen't exactly.”
“It wis rone Uri Geller fulla, mind?”
“Rat's right, rat's right a mind noo.....a 'hink.”
“A'll bey back in aboot an 'oor. Wull talk mair aboot ris ren, OK?
* * *
“Ye wur sayin'?”
“Oh aye, Uri Geller, rat's whye ri saikint haun' stoaped so it is.”
“Remind mey.”
“Rone Uri Geller wis oan ri telly, birrey says 'es powers wis oan ri decline an 'e wis nae guid et ri spin bennin' noo. An' rat's whin ri saikint haun geid up ri ghost. 'Snivir moved since.”
“Wull 'e should mibbe come back an' fix it. A'd raithur huv a wee chat 'n' rat wance't a meenit insteed e' wance't an 'oor lit noo. Nae affence.”
“Nane taken. A liked it better tae, an' a espeshly liked it whin aw three e' is met up fae time tae time. Rat wis braw, rat wis pairty time so it wis.”
“It wis rat. Jeezo, is rat you high tailin' it already?”
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He has a number of publications to his name, including Coont Thum and Tattie Zkowen's Perfect Days, both of which have been published by McStorytellers.