High Noon et ri Greasy Spoon:
A three-way coanvursation in two acts
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: One mild one only.
Description: Spoilt for choice at the delicatessen.
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Act 1
“Whit's fur sterturs?”
“Been soup.”
“Nivur heard a' bean soup afore.”
“Naw. 'Sbeen soup aw week birrit it disnae luk lit soup noo.”
“Hink wu'll gie rat wan a miss. Jeest a main course ren, eh. Whirrisit?”
“Y'uv a choice. Rur's mince an' tatties. A kin recommend rat, very popular so it is.”
“And?”
“And, whit?”
“Ri alternative? Ye says rur wis a choice.”
“Ah, right. Tatties an' mince.”
“Is rat no' ri same is mince an' tatties?”
“Nut. Rur's a subtle diffrinse.”
“A'll huv ri mince an' tatties please.”
“Make rat two. Naw, haud oan, A'll try ri tatties an' mince.”
“Drinks?”
“Gless a' mulk fur me.”
“Same. Naw, chinge rat tae Irn Bru. A'll need tae get some wind up if u'm gonnae get ma dinner in mey.”
“Mince an' tatties?”
“Rat's me, aye.”
“You must bey ri tatties an' mince ren?”
“Aye, yur quick aff ri mark rer.”
“Bon appeteet.”
“Here. Whit ri hell's ri diffrinse? Rur baith ri same so rey ur.”
“It's aw aboot ri presentation. See, yur mince an' tatties his ri tatties sittin' oan tap e' ri mince, an' yur tatties an' mince his ri mince aw ower ri tatties.”
“Aye, A kin see whit ye mean noo. Here, is rur ony breed an' butter?”
“A could mibbes dae ye some butter't breed?”
“Nnnnaa. A'll gie it a miss. 'Hanks.”
Act 2
“By, rat wis rare. A'll come here again. Ur wey huvin' a pudden?”
“Aye, it wis braw. Don't see whye no'. Aye, go furrit.”
“Whit's fur ri sweet, Jim?”
“Erm. Peaches an' ice cream.”
“Zarrit?”
“Eh?”
“Nae choice?”
“Nut.”
“Kin wey mibbes no' huv ice cream an' peaches insteed?”
“You tryin' tae take ri pish, pal?”
Swearwords: One mild one only.
Description: Spoilt for choice at the delicatessen.
_____________________________________________________________________
Act 1
“Whit's fur sterturs?”
“Been soup.”
“Nivur heard a' bean soup afore.”
“Naw. 'Sbeen soup aw week birrit it disnae luk lit soup noo.”
“Hink wu'll gie rat wan a miss. Jeest a main course ren, eh. Whirrisit?”
“Y'uv a choice. Rur's mince an' tatties. A kin recommend rat, very popular so it is.”
“And?”
“And, whit?”
“Ri alternative? Ye says rur wis a choice.”
“Ah, right. Tatties an' mince.”
“Is rat no' ri same is mince an' tatties?”
“Nut. Rur's a subtle diffrinse.”
“A'll huv ri mince an' tatties please.”
“Make rat two. Naw, haud oan, A'll try ri tatties an' mince.”
“Drinks?”
“Gless a' mulk fur me.”
“Same. Naw, chinge rat tae Irn Bru. A'll need tae get some wind up if u'm gonnae get ma dinner in mey.”
“Mince an' tatties?”
“Rat's me, aye.”
“You must bey ri tatties an' mince ren?”
“Aye, yur quick aff ri mark rer.”
“Bon appeteet.”
“Here. Whit ri hell's ri diffrinse? Rur baith ri same so rey ur.”
“It's aw aboot ri presentation. See, yur mince an' tatties his ri tatties sittin' oan tap e' ri mince, an' yur tatties an' mince his ri mince aw ower ri tatties.”
“Aye, A kin see whit ye mean noo. Here, is rur ony breed an' butter?”
“A could mibbes dae ye some butter't breed?”
“Nnnnaa. A'll gie it a miss. 'Hanks.”
Act 2
“By, rat wis rare. A'll come here again. Ur wey huvin' a pudden?”
“Aye, it wis braw. Don't see whye no'. Aye, go furrit.”
“Whit's fur ri sweet, Jim?”
“Erm. Peaches an' ice cream.”
“Zarrit?”
“Eh?”
“Nae choice?”
“Nut.”
“Kin wey mibbes no' huv ice cream an' peaches insteed?”
“You tryin' tae take ri pish, pal?”
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He has a number of publications to his name, including Coont Thum and Tattie Zkowen's Perfect Days, both of which have been published by McStorytellers.
You can read his full profile on McVoices.
You can read his full profile on McVoices.