Cover Story
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: None.
Description: A coanvursation aboot ri Simpsons an’ rey auld blankets.
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“Ri fulla rit thote rem two up musta been an Ayrshire man.”
“Whit two?”
“Itchy an' Scratchy.”
“Whit makes ye say rat ren?”
“Whit?”
“ 'E musta been an Ayrshire man.”
“Rat's whit wey cawed an Ayrshire blanket.”
“Itchy an' Scratchy?”
“Wull, us in Solkits cawed it an Itchy.”
“Aaaayyyye?”
“An' whin a stide et ma pal's in Irvine rey cawed it a Scratchy.”
“Wee bit e' a tenuous link rat, is it no'?”
“Makes a loat a' sense tae me so it dis.”
“Wull mibbes could Google it ur Wikypedia it.”
“Aye, bit haud oan tae ri Simpsons is feenished eh?”
“How?”
“Cos Lisa's saxaphone solo's comin' up in a meenit.”
“Right y'ar. U'v you seen ris wan afore ren?”
“A could take a pert in it so a could. Ris yin's aboot five yur auld.”
“Whit made rum itchy ur scratchy ren?”
“Eh?”
“Ayrshire blankets. Whit made rum itchy ur scratchy?”
“Jaggy wool. Rat stuff touches yur skin an' makes ye aw itchy so it dis, bit rey kep' ye warum.”
“Wull wi nivir hid ony'hin' lit rat in Largs. Wi hid connulwick bedspreads us.”
“Posh gets awrerr so yis ur, gote tae bey rat wee bit diffrint.”
“Haw, a wis dragged up ri same is you wis. Went tae ri same skill an' rat.”
“Aye mibbes. Bit you hid a silvur spin an' a hid a plastic wan, mind?”
“You wis ri wan rit played pitch 'n' tose wi' ri two bob bits.”
“Rat's 'cos a hid two joabs me. An' a wis guid et ri pitch 'n' tose tae by ri wye.”
“Ye wis aye, ah'll gie ye rat.”
“An' whit's mair besides, a nivir seen ye shoart e' a ceegarette .”
“R'ur wis sumhin' else wis itchy, whit wis it?”
“Itchycoos. Rose hips, big rid 'hings.”
“Aye, rey wis great, so rey wur. Wi open't rum up an' stuck rum doon ri back a' sumb'dy's neck.”
“Usually a lassie, aye. Rat wis tae let 'ur ken ye fancied 'ur wint it?”
“D'ye 'hink it wid work if wi tried it rese days?”
“Lerris ken how ye git oan eh?”
Swearwords: None.
Description: A coanvursation aboot ri Simpsons an’ rey auld blankets.
_____________________________________________________________________
“Ri fulla rit thote rem two up musta been an Ayrshire man.”
“Whit two?”
“Itchy an' Scratchy.”
“Whit makes ye say rat ren?”
“Whit?”
“ 'E musta been an Ayrshire man.”
“Rat's whit wey cawed an Ayrshire blanket.”
“Itchy an' Scratchy?”
“Wull, us in Solkits cawed it an Itchy.”
“Aaaayyyye?”
“An' whin a stide et ma pal's in Irvine rey cawed it a Scratchy.”
“Wee bit e' a tenuous link rat, is it no'?”
“Makes a loat a' sense tae me so it dis.”
“Wull mibbes could Google it ur Wikypedia it.”
“Aye, bit haud oan tae ri Simpsons is feenished eh?”
“How?”
“Cos Lisa's saxaphone solo's comin' up in a meenit.”
“Right y'ar. U'v you seen ris wan afore ren?”
“A could take a pert in it so a could. Ris yin's aboot five yur auld.”
“Whit made rum itchy ur scratchy ren?”
“Eh?”
“Ayrshire blankets. Whit made rum itchy ur scratchy?”
“Jaggy wool. Rat stuff touches yur skin an' makes ye aw itchy so it dis, bit rey kep' ye warum.”
“Wull wi nivir hid ony'hin' lit rat in Largs. Wi hid connulwick bedspreads us.”
“Posh gets awrerr so yis ur, gote tae bey rat wee bit diffrint.”
“Haw, a wis dragged up ri same is you wis. Went tae ri same skill an' rat.”
“Aye mibbes. Bit you hid a silvur spin an' a hid a plastic wan, mind?”
“You wis ri wan rit played pitch 'n' tose wi' ri two bob bits.”
“Rat's 'cos a hid two joabs me. An' a wis guid et ri pitch 'n' tose tae by ri wye.”
“Ye wis aye, ah'll gie ye rat.”
“An' whit's mair besides, a nivir seen ye shoart e' a ceegarette .”
“R'ur wis sumhin' else wis itchy, whit wis it?”
“Itchycoos. Rose hips, big rid 'hings.”
“Aye, rey wis great, so rey wur. Wi open't rum up an' stuck rum doon ri back a' sumb'dy's neck.”
“Usually a lassie, aye. Rat wis tae let 'ur ken ye fancied 'ur wint it?”
“D'ye 'hink it wid work if wi tried it rese days?”
“Lerris ken how ye git oan eh?”
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He has a number of publications to his name, including Coont Thum and Tattie Zkowen's Perfect Days, both of which have been published by McStorytellers.