Can't take you anywhere
(The wrong trousers)
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: A couple of mild ones.
Description: It’ll all come out in the wash.
Swearwords: A couple of mild ones.
Description: It’ll all come out in the wash.
“Aaawww, dad. You're not going like that, are you?”
“Why? What's wrong?”
“It's a nice restaurant we're going to. You're meeting Leslie for the first time and it's very important to me. Jeans won't do. Where's those nice dress trousers you bought last week?”
“In the wash.”
“What? Why? What happened? They should be dry cleaned, not washed.”
“I wore them to the old cronies club on Tuesday. You know, to show them off. The guys were impressed. Joe actually asked to borrow them after we'd had a few beers.”
“And you let him? What did he do to them?”
“No ….. No. I think he was joking anyway.”
“So! What happened to them?”
“Well, Davy gave me a DVD so I came home and settled down to watch it. That Scouser comedian fella. I've never laughed so much in years.”
“And you spilt something on your trousers?”
“Not exactly.”
“You either did or you didn't, dad. What on earth do you mean by 'not exactly'?”
“Ok, ok, June. I pissed myself. I laughed so much I pissed myself.”
“Oh, dad. Well, go and put something else on. Your suit pants will do. I'll get a bag and take your new ones to the dry cleaner's.”
“No, June. Leave them. I can do that myself.”
“Why ever not? I go past the place every day of the week. It's no trouble.”
“I'd rather you didn't, love.”
“It's no trouble. Really.”
“Just leave it to me, June.”
“But, why?”
“Well, I had a little nap after my, erm, accident. I'd had a couple more than I usually do and nodded off. I woke up a couple of hours later and the telly was still on.”
“So?”
“It was a grisly horror film.”
“So?”
“One look at that zombie and I shit myself.”
“Why? What's wrong?”
“It's a nice restaurant we're going to. You're meeting Leslie for the first time and it's very important to me. Jeans won't do. Where's those nice dress trousers you bought last week?”
“In the wash.”
“What? Why? What happened? They should be dry cleaned, not washed.”
“I wore them to the old cronies club on Tuesday. You know, to show them off. The guys were impressed. Joe actually asked to borrow them after we'd had a few beers.”
“And you let him? What did he do to them?”
“No ….. No. I think he was joking anyway.”
“So! What happened to them?”
“Well, Davy gave me a DVD so I came home and settled down to watch it. That Scouser comedian fella. I've never laughed so much in years.”
“And you spilt something on your trousers?”
“Not exactly.”
“You either did or you didn't, dad. What on earth do you mean by 'not exactly'?”
“Ok, ok, June. I pissed myself. I laughed so much I pissed myself.”
“Oh, dad. Well, go and put something else on. Your suit pants will do. I'll get a bag and take your new ones to the dry cleaner's.”
“No, June. Leave them. I can do that myself.”
“Why ever not? I go past the place every day of the week. It's no trouble.”
“I'd rather you didn't, love.”
“It's no trouble. Really.”
“Just leave it to me, June.”
“But, why?”
“Well, I had a little nap after my, erm, accident. I'd had a couple more than I usually do and nodded off. I woke up a couple of hours later and the telly was still on.”
“So?”
“It was a grisly horror film.”
“So?”
“One look at that zombie and I shit myself.”
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing.
Angus is the author of thirteen novels, two short story collections and ten collections of poems. All but four of his books are McStorytellers publications.
You can read his full profile on McVoices.
Angus is the author of thirteen novels, two short story collections and ten collections of poems. All but four of his books are McStorytellers publications.
You can read his full profile on McVoices.