Candy Abroad
by Roger McKillop
Genre: Memoir
Swearwords: Some mild ones.
Description: The further adventures of a Pomsky Princess.
Swearwords: Some mild ones.
Description: The further adventures of a Pomsky Princess.
Tales of the Riverbank
After my week’s quarantine in Granny’s flat, Mum took me out in her car to meet “Grumps”. As yet, I had no idea what a Grumps was but I was hungry for adventure, so I was up for a Grumps and chips any day! Mum and I had an interesting debate, which she lost, about me traveling in the back of her car. “There you go, my wee girl, in the back for Mum.” Mmmmmm? Ok, whimper, whimper, “Oh, poor abandoned Pomsky puppy.” Build up to a howl of misery, works every time! So there I am in the front. Mmmmmm? I want to be with my Mum, not over here in this other seat. Oh, there’s a nice ridge I could lie on. Shuffle over and put my head on Mum’s lap, there’s a hole I can put a back paw in to keep me balanced. There’s also a nice stick I can hook my front leg round. It's not really comfortable but my point’s been made. The most annoying thing was, Mum keeps moving the sticky thing and disturbing me. We drove into a park with more “outside” than I knew ever existed! We pulled into a car park and stopped beside a small, tubby man who was wearing a daft hat, smelling strongly of deceased Australian cow. This guy opened my door and picked me up, oops, is this a “doggienapping?” I was weary but I felt nothing but absolute joy coming from him, so I relaxed. He called me by my name and hugged me, was this a “Grumps?” If it was, I’ll have second helpings and lick the plate!
Mum put my lead on and we went off to explore this exciting new world. When you are a Pomsky pup with, short legs, fur-ball coat and an inquisitive nature, walking with two humans is tricky. It’s all “ Wanna walk with Mum, no better go and talk to Grumps, there’s a lovely sniff over there and another over there, wanna go back, forward, sideways, round, through and under legs.” Well a doggie has to read her P-mails!
We went down to the river, oh scary! I walked down to it with care and gave it a “smuff!” It just, gently, flowed by, so I stuck a paw in, it was nice and cool so I added the other three corners. I stomped around in the shallow water, enjoying myself. I got bolder and walked a little deeper and then suddenly there was no ground! Talk about panic, I thrashed about and got back to the shallows. Quick look round, perhaps they hadn’t noticed, casual stroll back to dry land and give river a withering look! I pretended to be more interested in the river bank. Mmmmmm? Got to sort that river out! Ok, back in, stick one paw in to the water, move forward, stick it in again, still ok, again, still firm, again oops getting deep. Ok, that’s it, water to be no deeper than my tummy in the future! We finished our walk and Grumps hugged me again and got into his car, not fair, I wanted to keep him!
Manna
I am always getting into trouble from everyone for finding and scoffing food in the grass. Why else do people throw food away, if not to feed Pomskies? Ok, therein lies a problem, some of the stolen nosh gave me the “runs!” Or as Granny and Grumps would put it, “a dose o’ the Skitters!” It’s essentially a plumbing problem! What you really don’t want between an indiscriminate gob and a leaky end, is a delicate tummy! I am forever finding bits of bread secreted in the grass and being pulled away from it. I have developed a sneaky method of hiding my intentions of ingestion by pretending that I have found a totally profound scent, examining it closely, while keeping an eye on my lead holder, when they show any distraction, yumff, I’m in there! It’s jaws chomping while head down, legs braced to stop any attempt to wrest it from me! I have to admit this sometimes results in runny bowels and bum dragging and a visit to the vet.
One memorable day, Manna did indeed descend from heaven. I was running in the woods, at the top of Granny’s road. I was off the lead and Granny was walking slowly home. There are high-rise flats near the woods. I was aware of a shadow above me and as I looked up, I saw a descending Italian Frisbee! It landed near me, at the foot of a steep hill. Sprint over, sniff sniff, “oh, yes!” I grabbed it before Granny could close with me and ran, pizza and all to the top of the hill. I did a very fast demolition job on this delicious offering, whether it was Manna or Ambrosia, I cared not a jot. I decide it was my duty to whichever deity had provided this bounty to, reverently, scoff the lot. It was a very full, red chopped Pomsky Granny found at the top of the hill. All my walks through those woods since then have had me staring skywards in hope to witness the second coming of Papa John, the Pizza God!
Camping
Mum took me camping shortly after I was allowed out in the world. I was excited and couldn’t decide where I wanted to travel in the car. The back of the car was full of camping gear and there was little room for me BUT that did not stop me wanting to explore everything and everywhere! We stopped a few times on the way north, even with Mum’s legendary navigational abilities, we were going North to Aviemore! We arrived at the campsite and Mum paid the fees, while I tried to make friends with everyone! Mum had to hurry to stop me becoming best pals with a pile of rolls on a counter!
We drove to our pitch and I helped to put the tent up. It looked a very simple matter that only required an abundance of Pomsky paws all over the shop. Mum seemed to have a different idea about my help and I was banished to the car. Hmhff! Some folk just can’t take being helped! Humff! I was eventually liberated and fed, that’s better, now to explore! The tent had two compartments, I could go in and out of the first but had to have my paws dried before I was allowed into the inner sanctum. We walked round the site and I went over to make friends with everyone, especially the ones cooking their dinners! All this space was great and I ran, jumped and climbed into everything. There was a path through the trees where I was allowed off the lead for the first ever time! I sprinted off up the path, my paws drumming the beat of my gallop. I think this almost gave Mum a fit but as soon as I got out of sight of her, I would sprint back past her about the same distance then charge past her again. I loved it, the speed, the freedom, the sheer joy of movement! I wanted to be free, I wanted to fly, I wanted to explore, I wanted to avoid this guy’s legs coming round the bend, THUMP, howl, I wanted my Mum! Mmmmmmmmm? Maybe I’m not, yet, the big brave Pomsky I thought I was! I whimpered in her arms and she kissed me better, I love my Mum!
The weather was quite hot and I soon found out that I preferred the shade to direct sunshine. While we were at the tent, Mum tied me up with a long lead so I could wander within its range. I met two nice ladies, who talked funny, not funny like Granny but entirely strange to my ears. They seemed to like Pomskies and I offered to be their food tester before Mum dragged me away! We went long walks and my legs were about worn down to stumps! We went to a beach with lots of kids playing, many of them seemed to want to meet Pomskies. Mmmmmmm, I like all this attention, it’s good for a girl’s ego! There was water, Mum called it Loch Morlich, yeah, whatever! It tasted ok and was cool on my weary paws. There was a lovely breeze so I stood in the Loch with my face, coolingly, to windward, SPLASH, a dirty big wave smacked me straight in the gob. I ran out of the water, turned and gave full voice of my indignation to the scary waves! Ok, got it now, shallow, flat water, only from now on!
After dinner and more walkies we went to bed in the inner tent. I had a cosy bed but wanted to be wherever Mum was, so I crawled about everywhere. During the night I awoke, I was warm and unfamiliar with my surroundings, looking round I spied Mum on her bed so I snuggled up to her. I couldn’t get near her cause her bed was higher, it looked tasty so I licked it, nope tasteless! I tried biting it and this, I discovered, released a lovely, refreshing breeze and Mum was coming down to me. Yes! A definite result! Eh? Mmmmmmmm? Well, Mum didn’t seem quite so pleased. Her rebuke started with the usual, “Candy! Ya wee bugger…………..!” We had a nice drive up to Inverness to buy a new bed. We had some more walks by the Loch and I played in a burn and got completely manky (Mum’s word, Grumps calls it a burach!). That night I inspected Mum’s cosy new bed, it had a nice chewable nozzle which also released cooling air……………... I like Inverness!
Next day we went for a long walk round some fields then Mum tried to cycle with me on a lead. She soon found out that Shaky bike +Inquisitive Pomsky pup = DISASTER! She let me off the lead to see if I would run beside her bike. Would I? Of course I would! I loved it, sprinting along after Mum’s bike. She could go faster than me so the challenge was set! I nearly run my wee pins off, at the end I was, to use Mum’s words, “A Puggled, Puffed Pomsky!” I slept most of the way back home, I’d found a cosy wee area below the seat, where a nice breeze cooled my face or if I turned round…………….. No need to paint a picture?
A Pomsky Princess?
Grumps and Mum took me to a shopping centre, I had never seen so many people! I was excited and wanted to get into everything. There were sniffs and new places to investigate so I was very excited. We eventually got to a café where Grumps and Mum ordered Coffee and Mum got cheese on toast, yum! Mum tried to palm me off with some water. Aye right! (Did I just say that? This Scottish stuff must be catching. I must remember that I am an Irish, Pomsky Paddy!) I set about glomming some of Mum’s grub. Sit, fixing Mum with an appealing stare, turning up my cuteness levels to “irresistible”. Or so I thought but this was Mum! I gave her the full blue-eyed stare, then tilted me head to employ the brown eye and the ultimate lever, the lick of the chops. NOTHING! Not a bloody crum, subtly change the look to the extreme disappointment of a poor wee deprived Pomsky. Still NOTHING, so look changes to one of one of disgust, suggesting, “Mean git, I hope it chokes you!”
While we sat there quite a few people came over to pet me, I enjoyed the attention. It then took us over an hour to walk from the café to Mum’s favourite shop. Folk seemed to flock to us and they all seemed to be interested in Pomskies. I liked meeting the kids and I knew when they were nervous so I sat still and let them stroke me. When we reached the shop, Mum went in while Grumps stayed outside with me. We were accosted by lots of folk, most of whom remarked about my mismatched eyes. I remember Denis pointing this out to Mum as a potential flaw but we had firmly chosen each other by then. Now, all these people seemed to think they were cute. After a while I could do Grump’s commentary myself. “She’s a Pomsky, a cross between a Pomeranian dog and a Siberian Husky bitch. Yes it was done artificially, otherwise “Dad” would have been “Lunch!” I moved off into the shade of some bushes and waited for Mum to return.
Eventually we started back and had to run the gauntlet of Pomsky admirers. I began to feel special. One of my sisters was called “Princess”, perhaps it should have been me? I began to feel that all this attention was my right and if any folk ignored me I gave them a “Paddington hard stare!” As usual, it was Granny who brought everything back to reality, “Ach, Candy ya stunner, yer no’ a Princess, yer jist a wee Irish dug, ya posin’ bugger!” I’m sure I will agree, if I ever get a translation!
First Sleepover at Grumps’
Mum was going on a course, whatever that is, so I was to stay with my Grumps. Mum took me over with my overnight bag as we set off for Grumps’ house. I was very excited cause I love my Grumps and can manipulate him at will. He takes me good walks in the woods where I can explore every way of getting mucky imaginable! He gives me all his attention and is a really soft touch for a tickled tummy!
When I arrived it was all “I love my Grumps!” Wag- wag, “I want my Grumps!” Jump and prance, “My Grumps is the best Grumps!” Lick-kiss you-lick, “I must be with my Grumps all the time!” Lie on back for a tickle! THEN, “Oops! What’s that? Auntie Steph’s in the kitchen, STUFF Grumps!” It’s kitchen patrol, food glomming, crumbs hoovering, chops licking, grub begging time! She would give my my toast, treats and “a wee bit of something” to keep a Pomsky pup going.
The first night I was far too excited to go to bed, Auntie Steph had put down pee-pads but I had a couple of accidents, so any time I went to the door, Grumps jumped and out we’d go. Mmmmmmm? Snigger snigger, “That’s the way to do it!” Grumps slept on the couch, down stairs, so he could take me out when I needed. Now that’s too good an opportunity to miss! We went out at 10.00, 11.00 then 11.45, as a last pee before sleep. Wanna bet? I had him up at 2.00, 4.00, 6.00 then I was quite ready for a good kip. Grumps got up at 7.30, made Auntie Steph a cup of tea, then woke me up! “Right, ya wee bugger, it's my turn, you’re goin’ oot!” So “oot” we went, AGAIN! At least when we got back I got breakfast and was allowed to sit out in the front garden. I was put onto my long lead, which allows me to walk about both inside and out. I loved watching the world go by, giving vent to anyone who had the temerity to pass “my bit” without my permission! We walked “round the block” several times, then up to Cathkin Braes, after lunch. In the afternoon I had a great sleep in the garden, with Grumps sitting on the doorstep with his iPad, keeping an eye on me. He would come over and cuddle and tickle me, till Auntie Steph told him, “Leave her when she’s quiet, you muppet!”
I kept up my “I want out” routine all evening. By the end we were both moving in a crawl, I’d been “Grumpsed” and he’d been “Candied!” I was knackered but I was not giving up and going to sleep till Grumps did! He finally broke (put that one down to puppy power!) at 11.30 and said, “Bugger it, I’m going to sleep in Ross’ bed!” I did not know then who Ross was but his bed sounded good to me. I waddled up the stair after him and we both slept soundly till morning! At breakfast I was being a pest, trying to glom some extra food. I concentrated my efforts on Auntie Steph. I put my front paws on the bench to give her the full “poor starved puppy” routine. She said “Candy, down!” Which I ignored. Grumps told her to push me down and say “CANDY, NO! DOWN!” Now I have to admit, what happened next, was my own fault! As she pushed me down, my chin hit the bench. I yelped, turned and gave her an offended look, marched off to the door, spun round kept eye contact with her, dropped my rear end and peed on her carpet. Revenge, delivered, once again by Pomsky Piddle Power!
We went different versions of the “round the block walks” and in the afternoon Grumps and Auntie Steph took me down to the seaside. I’d been there once before with Mum, who had let me off the lead and I went ballistic! Armed with warm coats, poo bags and lots of treats we set off along Troon beach. There were lots of other doggies to meet and Grumps had to go through his “She’s a Pomsky” speech several times. Against his natural reluctance, he took the very big chance and let me off the lead. Poor soul, his heart must have missed several beats as I sprinted off to talk to some dog. I went only so far, then took pity on the “Auld bugger” and sprinted back, fast, paws squealing, into a long curved slow and stop. Plonked my bum on the sand, lifted a paw, have a “What’s up Doc?” look of cute innocence and demanded a treat!
After that I chased some dogs and then they chased me, I chased leaves blowing along the beach and of course, as a matter of Pomsky principal, I chased any birds I saw! I paddled my paws in the sea, tasted it, YEECH! I snuffed at the scary waves which tried to get me, ran back to the safety found behind Grump’s legs and barked like hell at them! Then, the deepest of all possible betrayals, Grumps splashed me! I ran straight to Auntie Steph and gave her the “Poor put upon Puppy” look, so she gave me some treats. I forgave Grumps and went paddling with him again. Then I spotted some medium sized white birdies further along the shore and I was off! There were a lot of birds in the shallows near the shoreline, as I charged in they moved deeper then took off, all except one. It seemed to be unable to fly out of the sea, this confused me. All I ever wanted to do was scatter the birdies. I went up to this one to have a closer look and got a prefect view of a long sharp red beak, opened and pointing at my nose! I went round to get away from those red lances but the bird swivelled and kept its beak pointing due Pomsky. I smuffed, barked, splashed all to no avail. As I sneaked in to get a real close up and it lunged at me! This was a stand-off and no mistake. Grumps was calling me away, so being an obedient doggie I beat a retreat to glom a treat.
We walked a long way along the beach then turned to go back. Now I had not really understood this at the time, I was too busy sniffing new smells, playing with other dogs, piddling and pooing. I found a new pleasure, digging in the sand, Grumps said that my technique needed improvement as I was enthusiastically trying to use all four paws at once, which only lead to a nose dive and a bum-full of sand! Throughout the walk Auntie Steph and Grumps kept me supplied with treats whenever I returned after a jaunt. I was splashing in the sea when Grumps called me back, food! I dashed back and he gave me a treat AND took hold of my collar and put me back on the lead. Mmmmmmmmmm, freedom = going away from the car, mmmmmmmmmmm and coming back to the car, mmmmmmmmmmmm BUT it's lead- time, when we get near! Sneaky git, duked me! I’ll remember that in the future, it will be “Candy, come!” Me all tongue lolling, sit, looking expectant and paw raised, munch, munch! Most of the time! Near the car, it will be “You can stuff your treats!”
When we got back to the car Grumps wrapped me in a towel and dried me off, I was then fed and watered, then back into the car. I settled down with a chew and after I’d scoffed it, I snuggled down for a well-earned kip. The car movement was soothing and I dreamed of holes dug, birds scattered and lovely cool paddles. When the car stopped I woke, yawned, stretched and was ready for another walk. I pulled on the lead as Grumps tried to take me into the house, he seemed less than happy. “Oh, aye, now it’s “Walkies time! Good old Grumps!” You and your Auntie have slept aw’ the way up frae Troon! Good auld Grumps had tae drive, now you’re aw’ refreshed, it’s “C’mon Grumps!” Fair to say the old man did take me walkies but he was definitely wilting. YES!!!!! One up to the Pomskies!
I lay in the garden in the sun for a long while, with frequent tummy tickles from Grumps. Then he announced that we’d better go for a last walk before Mum came to pick me up. We walked round the block and Grumps said, “Let’s go and see if we can see your Mum coming up the road.” We rounded the corner and there was Mum’s car just about to turn into Grump’s road. I pulled to get to my Mum. She stopped but as we neared she pulled away just fast enough to keep me pulling a very bedraggled Grumps. Mum can be a mean git when she wants!
The reunion was all tail wagging, Candy kisses and tummy tickles in the house. Then Mum and Grumps started to talk and ignore me. Right, I’ll go and see my Auntie Steph but she was trying to have a quiet cup of coffee and also ignored me! Now does a young Pomskies lady take this treatment stoically? Does she quietly slouch into a corner? No, bugger it, she, protestingly, pees on the carpet! I heard Grumps telling Mum about our adventures then she said, “She was really taking the piss!” I bridled, at this injustice. I did not “take the piss”, I’d left it in lots of places! Mmmmmmmmm, oops, those include a few Auntie Steph hasn’t discovered yet!
Special Days
As you’ve seen, all my days are special, whether they be at the beach, on the braes, going to Pets at Home to glom a treat or two. For Mum, two days seemed to hold more significance that the rest. The first of these was mid-winter and involved dressing the house up in shiny things. This gave rise to lots of chewing, closely followed by scoldings. If she didn’t want me to eat the things, why put them out in the first place? Really, Mum’s these days! Well, there rests the case for the defence! Unfortunately, Mum being both Judge and Jury, found me “guilty as charged” and sentenced me to the appalling indignity of having to wear a Santa hat or a pair of bloody antlers! Mind you she must have been guilty of something, cause when we went over to Granny’s, she had been forced to wear a “Minion” Onesy! JUSTICE!!
At Granny’s I got lots of paper to tear off stuff, it was great fun! They even went to the effort of having different shapes to chew it off, or was I missing the point? The point I did not miss was my first taste of Turkey and GRAVY! So that’s what the humans eat! Sneaky gifts hogging all the tasty stuff! Look out for the Pesky Pomsky Predator!
The next special day was my first birthday, again there was lots of paper to rip and a few quite interesting fillings. Mum took me over to Granny’s where we had a doggie party. We played chases, tug-of-war and mock fights, it was great. Mum and Granny had bought doggie Birthday cakes, which was very nice of them BUT they gave one of MY cakes to the other dogs! Ok, I had a smaller, Candy tummy kind of one all to myself BUT that’s not the point, MY grub should go in MY GOB!!! I was not a happy bunny but liberal helpings of my cake smoothed my hackles. But not when they made me wear a stupid bloody wimple birthday hat! I later got my own back on it, so it’s now, Hat…..R.I.P!
My year’s been full and I’ve camped, paddled and puddled in puddles, chased bikes in the snow and I am looking forward to my next adventures. Both Mum and Grumps have bought boats, partly named after me, as is only right. Grumps’ boat is a sailing dinghy called Puffin, as in Candy Puffin’. Mum took me over to help Grumps get it up his driveway. They tried reversing Grumps’ car but in the end had to push it up, with a great deal of effort and swearing. I gave them the benefit of my advice at great length and volume but it didn’t seem to help because they ignored me! Had they listened they might have discovered earlier that it would have been easier if Grumps had taken out the box with two anchors and chains and the bloody engine! See, sometimes Pomskies talk sense and this would have saved him from being called a “Fuppet!” by Mum! Mmmmmmmmm, now I know the word “Muppet” having been called it several times myself but where does the “F” come from?????? Mmmmmmmmm? OH! Got it! Soapy gob for Mum!
I was exposed to similar language in getting Mum’s boat. Mum asked Grumps if he could pick it up in his car as he had roof bars. We got the boat, now named “Floss” (you got it, as in “Candy Floss!”) they man-handled it onto the roof and Grumps tied it down. He also held the front of the canoe down with a bungee. I was still in the huff, about them ignoring me the last time, so I kept my own council. We went for a walk so I could attend to my needs. On the way back, I completed the last leg of my statuary “two puddles and a poo”, which Grumps diligently cleaned up. Mum suggested that they go for a coffee before the return journey. My ears pricked up, I’d no chance of glomming anything off Mum but Grumps is a soft touch! So there was prospects of scone for Candy. Grumps was still holding his little green bag so he stuck it between the bungee and the bonnet of his car, till he returned. Hold on! You’re way ahead of me, MY story so “no overtaking the narrator!”
We returned, post-coffee, some of us with crumbs in our whiskers, to the car, jumped in and off home! I was quietly dosing in the back seat when Grumps lets out a yell of “Shit!” I looked up quickly enough to see a green bag bounce off the windscreen and up into Floss! Mum had also been asleep. She woke with a start, “Shit? Eh? What shit?” Grumps laughed, “Literally, SHIT!” He explained the events, then summed up brilliantly by telling her, “Ye ken, the Queen Mary, Queen Elizabeth, QE2 and even the Titanic, were aw’ launched wi’ a bottle o’ Champagne but your boat’s jist been launched wi’ a bag o’ shite!” At this Mum collapsed into side-splitting belly laughs, I wasn’t sure what was so funny but I have heard that bird’s shit is lucky, so how much luckier, then, must be Pomsky Poo? Especially as it hadn’t burst on the windscreen!
I love my life, I love my families, I love my food (the order is negotiable) and I’m more than ready for much more of the same and new adventures to come.
After my week’s quarantine in Granny’s flat, Mum took me out in her car to meet “Grumps”. As yet, I had no idea what a Grumps was but I was hungry for adventure, so I was up for a Grumps and chips any day! Mum and I had an interesting debate, which she lost, about me traveling in the back of her car. “There you go, my wee girl, in the back for Mum.” Mmmmmm? Ok, whimper, whimper, “Oh, poor abandoned Pomsky puppy.” Build up to a howl of misery, works every time! So there I am in the front. Mmmmmm? I want to be with my Mum, not over here in this other seat. Oh, there’s a nice ridge I could lie on. Shuffle over and put my head on Mum’s lap, there’s a hole I can put a back paw in to keep me balanced. There’s also a nice stick I can hook my front leg round. It's not really comfortable but my point’s been made. The most annoying thing was, Mum keeps moving the sticky thing and disturbing me. We drove into a park with more “outside” than I knew ever existed! We pulled into a car park and stopped beside a small, tubby man who was wearing a daft hat, smelling strongly of deceased Australian cow. This guy opened my door and picked me up, oops, is this a “doggienapping?” I was weary but I felt nothing but absolute joy coming from him, so I relaxed. He called me by my name and hugged me, was this a “Grumps?” If it was, I’ll have second helpings and lick the plate!
Mum put my lead on and we went off to explore this exciting new world. When you are a Pomsky pup with, short legs, fur-ball coat and an inquisitive nature, walking with two humans is tricky. It’s all “ Wanna walk with Mum, no better go and talk to Grumps, there’s a lovely sniff over there and another over there, wanna go back, forward, sideways, round, through and under legs.” Well a doggie has to read her P-mails!
We went down to the river, oh scary! I walked down to it with care and gave it a “smuff!” It just, gently, flowed by, so I stuck a paw in, it was nice and cool so I added the other three corners. I stomped around in the shallow water, enjoying myself. I got bolder and walked a little deeper and then suddenly there was no ground! Talk about panic, I thrashed about and got back to the shallows. Quick look round, perhaps they hadn’t noticed, casual stroll back to dry land and give river a withering look! I pretended to be more interested in the river bank. Mmmmmm? Got to sort that river out! Ok, back in, stick one paw in to the water, move forward, stick it in again, still ok, again, still firm, again oops getting deep. Ok, that’s it, water to be no deeper than my tummy in the future! We finished our walk and Grumps hugged me again and got into his car, not fair, I wanted to keep him!
Manna
I am always getting into trouble from everyone for finding and scoffing food in the grass. Why else do people throw food away, if not to feed Pomskies? Ok, therein lies a problem, some of the stolen nosh gave me the “runs!” Or as Granny and Grumps would put it, “a dose o’ the Skitters!” It’s essentially a plumbing problem! What you really don’t want between an indiscriminate gob and a leaky end, is a delicate tummy! I am forever finding bits of bread secreted in the grass and being pulled away from it. I have developed a sneaky method of hiding my intentions of ingestion by pretending that I have found a totally profound scent, examining it closely, while keeping an eye on my lead holder, when they show any distraction, yumff, I’m in there! It’s jaws chomping while head down, legs braced to stop any attempt to wrest it from me! I have to admit this sometimes results in runny bowels and bum dragging and a visit to the vet.
One memorable day, Manna did indeed descend from heaven. I was running in the woods, at the top of Granny’s road. I was off the lead and Granny was walking slowly home. There are high-rise flats near the woods. I was aware of a shadow above me and as I looked up, I saw a descending Italian Frisbee! It landed near me, at the foot of a steep hill. Sprint over, sniff sniff, “oh, yes!” I grabbed it before Granny could close with me and ran, pizza and all to the top of the hill. I did a very fast demolition job on this delicious offering, whether it was Manna or Ambrosia, I cared not a jot. I decide it was my duty to whichever deity had provided this bounty to, reverently, scoff the lot. It was a very full, red chopped Pomsky Granny found at the top of the hill. All my walks through those woods since then have had me staring skywards in hope to witness the second coming of Papa John, the Pizza God!
Camping
Mum took me camping shortly after I was allowed out in the world. I was excited and couldn’t decide where I wanted to travel in the car. The back of the car was full of camping gear and there was little room for me BUT that did not stop me wanting to explore everything and everywhere! We stopped a few times on the way north, even with Mum’s legendary navigational abilities, we were going North to Aviemore! We arrived at the campsite and Mum paid the fees, while I tried to make friends with everyone! Mum had to hurry to stop me becoming best pals with a pile of rolls on a counter!
We drove to our pitch and I helped to put the tent up. It looked a very simple matter that only required an abundance of Pomsky paws all over the shop. Mum seemed to have a different idea about my help and I was banished to the car. Hmhff! Some folk just can’t take being helped! Humff! I was eventually liberated and fed, that’s better, now to explore! The tent had two compartments, I could go in and out of the first but had to have my paws dried before I was allowed into the inner sanctum. We walked round the site and I went over to make friends with everyone, especially the ones cooking their dinners! All this space was great and I ran, jumped and climbed into everything. There was a path through the trees where I was allowed off the lead for the first ever time! I sprinted off up the path, my paws drumming the beat of my gallop. I think this almost gave Mum a fit but as soon as I got out of sight of her, I would sprint back past her about the same distance then charge past her again. I loved it, the speed, the freedom, the sheer joy of movement! I wanted to be free, I wanted to fly, I wanted to explore, I wanted to avoid this guy’s legs coming round the bend, THUMP, howl, I wanted my Mum! Mmmmmmmmm? Maybe I’m not, yet, the big brave Pomsky I thought I was! I whimpered in her arms and she kissed me better, I love my Mum!
The weather was quite hot and I soon found out that I preferred the shade to direct sunshine. While we were at the tent, Mum tied me up with a long lead so I could wander within its range. I met two nice ladies, who talked funny, not funny like Granny but entirely strange to my ears. They seemed to like Pomskies and I offered to be their food tester before Mum dragged me away! We went long walks and my legs were about worn down to stumps! We went to a beach with lots of kids playing, many of them seemed to want to meet Pomskies. Mmmmmmm, I like all this attention, it’s good for a girl’s ego! There was water, Mum called it Loch Morlich, yeah, whatever! It tasted ok and was cool on my weary paws. There was a lovely breeze so I stood in the Loch with my face, coolingly, to windward, SPLASH, a dirty big wave smacked me straight in the gob. I ran out of the water, turned and gave full voice of my indignation to the scary waves! Ok, got it now, shallow, flat water, only from now on!
After dinner and more walkies we went to bed in the inner tent. I had a cosy bed but wanted to be wherever Mum was, so I crawled about everywhere. During the night I awoke, I was warm and unfamiliar with my surroundings, looking round I spied Mum on her bed so I snuggled up to her. I couldn’t get near her cause her bed was higher, it looked tasty so I licked it, nope tasteless! I tried biting it and this, I discovered, released a lovely, refreshing breeze and Mum was coming down to me. Yes! A definite result! Eh? Mmmmmmmm? Well, Mum didn’t seem quite so pleased. Her rebuke started with the usual, “Candy! Ya wee bugger…………..!” We had a nice drive up to Inverness to buy a new bed. We had some more walks by the Loch and I played in a burn and got completely manky (Mum’s word, Grumps calls it a burach!). That night I inspected Mum’s cosy new bed, it had a nice chewable nozzle which also released cooling air……………... I like Inverness!
Next day we went for a long walk round some fields then Mum tried to cycle with me on a lead. She soon found out that Shaky bike +Inquisitive Pomsky pup = DISASTER! She let me off the lead to see if I would run beside her bike. Would I? Of course I would! I loved it, sprinting along after Mum’s bike. She could go faster than me so the challenge was set! I nearly run my wee pins off, at the end I was, to use Mum’s words, “A Puggled, Puffed Pomsky!” I slept most of the way back home, I’d found a cosy wee area below the seat, where a nice breeze cooled my face or if I turned round…………….. No need to paint a picture?
A Pomsky Princess?
Grumps and Mum took me to a shopping centre, I had never seen so many people! I was excited and wanted to get into everything. There were sniffs and new places to investigate so I was very excited. We eventually got to a café where Grumps and Mum ordered Coffee and Mum got cheese on toast, yum! Mum tried to palm me off with some water. Aye right! (Did I just say that? This Scottish stuff must be catching. I must remember that I am an Irish, Pomsky Paddy!) I set about glomming some of Mum’s grub. Sit, fixing Mum with an appealing stare, turning up my cuteness levels to “irresistible”. Or so I thought but this was Mum! I gave her the full blue-eyed stare, then tilted me head to employ the brown eye and the ultimate lever, the lick of the chops. NOTHING! Not a bloody crum, subtly change the look to the extreme disappointment of a poor wee deprived Pomsky. Still NOTHING, so look changes to one of one of disgust, suggesting, “Mean git, I hope it chokes you!”
While we sat there quite a few people came over to pet me, I enjoyed the attention. It then took us over an hour to walk from the café to Mum’s favourite shop. Folk seemed to flock to us and they all seemed to be interested in Pomskies. I liked meeting the kids and I knew when they were nervous so I sat still and let them stroke me. When we reached the shop, Mum went in while Grumps stayed outside with me. We were accosted by lots of folk, most of whom remarked about my mismatched eyes. I remember Denis pointing this out to Mum as a potential flaw but we had firmly chosen each other by then. Now, all these people seemed to think they were cute. After a while I could do Grump’s commentary myself. “She’s a Pomsky, a cross between a Pomeranian dog and a Siberian Husky bitch. Yes it was done artificially, otherwise “Dad” would have been “Lunch!” I moved off into the shade of some bushes and waited for Mum to return.
Eventually we started back and had to run the gauntlet of Pomsky admirers. I began to feel special. One of my sisters was called “Princess”, perhaps it should have been me? I began to feel that all this attention was my right and if any folk ignored me I gave them a “Paddington hard stare!” As usual, it was Granny who brought everything back to reality, “Ach, Candy ya stunner, yer no’ a Princess, yer jist a wee Irish dug, ya posin’ bugger!” I’m sure I will agree, if I ever get a translation!
First Sleepover at Grumps’
Mum was going on a course, whatever that is, so I was to stay with my Grumps. Mum took me over with my overnight bag as we set off for Grumps’ house. I was very excited cause I love my Grumps and can manipulate him at will. He takes me good walks in the woods where I can explore every way of getting mucky imaginable! He gives me all his attention and is a really soft touch for a tickled tummy!
When I arrived it was all “I love my Grumps!” Wag- wag, “I want my Grumps!” Jump and prance, “My Grumps is the best Grumps!” Lick-kiss you-lick, “I must be with my Grumps all the time!” Lie on back for a tickle! THEN, “Oops! What’s that? Auntie Steph’s in the kitchen, STUFF Grumps!” It’s kitchen patrol, food glomming, crumbs hoovering, chops licking, grub begging time! She would give my my toast, treats and “a wee bit of something” to keep a Pomsky pup going.
The first night I was far too excited to go to bed, Auntie Steph had put down pee-pads but I had a couple of accidents, so any time I went to the door, Grumps jumped and out we’d go. Mmmmmmm? Snigger snigger, “That’s the way to do it!” Grumps slept on the couch, down stairs, so he could take me out when I needed. Now that’s too good an opportunity to miss! We went out at 10.00, 11.00 then 11.45, as a last pee before sleep. Wanna bet? I had him up at 2.00, 4.00, 6.00 then I was quite ready for a good kip. Grumps got up at 7.30, made Auntie Steph a cup of tea, then woke me up! “Right, ya wee bugger, it's my turn, you’re goin’ oot!” So “oot” we went, AGAIN! At least when we got back I got breakfast and was allowed to sit out in the front garden. I was put onto my long lead, which allows me to walk about both inside and out. I loved watching the world go by, giving vent to anyone who had the temerity to pass “my bit” without my permission! We walked “round the block” several times, then up to Cathkin Braes, after lunch. In the afternoon I had a great sleep in the garden, with Grumps sitting on the doorstep with his iPad, keeping an eye on me. He would come over and cuddle and tickle me, till Auntie Steph told him, “Leave her when she’s quiet, you muppet!”
I kept up my “I want out” routine all evening. By the end we were both moving in a crawl, I’d been “Grumpsed” and he’d been “Candied!” I was knackered but I was not giving up and going to sleep till Grumps did! He finally broke (put that one down to puppy power!) at 11.30 and said, “Bugger it, I’m going to sleep in Ross’ bed!” I did not know then who Ross was but his bed sounded good to me. I waddled up the stair after him and we both slept soundly till morning! At breakfast I was being a pest, trying to glom some extra food. I concentrated my efforts on Auntie Steph. I put my front paws on the bench to give her the full “poor starved puppy” routine. She said “Candy, down!” Which I ignored. Grumps told her to push me down and say “CANDY, NO! DOWN!” Now I have to admit, what happened next, was my own fault! As she pushed me down, my chin hit the bench. I yelped, turned and gave her an offended look, marched off to the door, spun round kept eye contact with her, dropped my rear end and peed on her carpet. Revenge, delivered, once again by Pomsky Piddle Power!
We went different versions of the “round the block walks” and in the afternoon Grumps and Auntie Steph took me down to the seaside. I’d been there once before with Mum, who had let me off the lead and I went ballistic! Armed with warm coats, poo bags and lots of treats we set off along Troon beach. There were lots of other doggies to meet and Grumps had to go through his “She’s a Pomsky” speech several times. Against his natural reluctance, he took the very big chance and let me off the lead. Poor soul, his heart must have missed several beats as I sprinted off to talk to some dog. I went only so far, then took pity on the “Auld bugger” and sprinted back, fast, paws squealing, into a long curved slow and stop. Plonked my bum on the sand, lifted a paw, have a “What’s up Doc?” look of cute innocence and demanded a treat!
After that I chased some dogs and then they chased me, I chased leaves blowing along the beach and of course, as a matter of Pomsky principal, I chased any birds I saw! I paddled my paws in the sea, tasted it, YEECH! I snuffed at the scary waves which tried to get me, ran back to the safety found behind Grump’s legs and barked like hell at them! Then, the deepest of all possible betrayals, Grumps splashed me! I ran straight to Auntie Steph and gave her the “Poor put upon Puppy” look, so she gave me some treats. I forgave Grumps and went paddling with him again. Then I spotted some medium sized white birdies further along the shore and I was off! There were a lot of birds in the shallows near the shoreline, as I charged in they moved deeper then took off, all except one. It seemed to be unable to fly out of the sea, this confused me. All I ever wanted to do was scatter the birdies. I went up to this one to have a closer look and got a prefect view of a long sharp red beak, opened and pointing at my nose! I went round to get away from those red lances but the bird swivelled and kept its beak pointing due Pomsky. I smuffed, barked, splashed all to no avail. As I sneaked in to get a real close up and it lunged at me! This was a stand-off and no mistake. Grumps was calling me away, so being an obedient doggie I beat a retreat to glom a treat.
We walked a long way along the beach then turned to go back. Now I had not really understood this at the time, I was too busy sniffing new smells, playing with other dogs, piddling and pooing. I found a new pleasure, digging in the sand, Grumps said that my technique needed improvement as I was enthusiastically trying to use all four paws at once, which only lead to a nose dive and a bum-full of sand! Throughout the walk Auntie Steph and Grumps kept me supplied with treats whenever I returned after a jaunt. I was splashing in the sea when Grumps called me back, food! I dashed back and he gave me a treat AND took hold of my collar and put me back on the lead. Mmmmmmmmmm, freedom = going away from the car, mmmmmmmmmmm and coming back to the car, mmmmmmmmmmmm BUT it's lead- time, when we get near! Sneaky git, duked me! I’ll remember that in the future, it will be “Candy, come!” Me all tongue lolling, sit, looking expectant and paw raised, munch, munch! Most of the time! Near the car, it will be “You can stuff your treats!”
When we got back to the car Grumps wrapped me in a towel and dried me off, I was then fed and watered, then back into the car. I settled down with a chew and after I’d scoffed it, I snuggled down for a well-earned kip. The car movement was soothing and I dreamed of holes dug, birds scattered and lovely cool paddles. When the car stopped I woke, yawned, stretched and was ready for another walk. I pulled on the lead as Grumps tried to take me into the house, he seemed less than happy. “Oh, aye, now it’s “Walkies time! Good old Grumps!” You and your Auntie have slept aw’ the way up frae Troon! Good auld Grumps had tae drive, now you’re aw’ refreshed, it’s “C’mon Grumps!” Fair to say the old man did take me walkies but he was definitely wilting. YES!!!!! One up to the Pomskies!
I lay in the garden in the sun for a long while, with frequent tummy tickles from Grumps. Then he announced that we’d better go for a last walk before Mum came to pick me up. We walked round the block and Grumps said, “Let’s go and see if we can see your Mum coming up the road.” We rounded the corner and there was Mum’s car just about to turn into Grump’s road. I pulled to get to my Mum. She stopped but as we neared she pulled away just fast enough to keep me pulling a very bedraggled Grumps. Mum can be a mean git when she wants!
The reunion was all tail wagging, Candy kisses and tummy tickles in the house. Then Mum and Grumps started to talk and ignore me. Right, I’ll go and see my Auntie Steph but she was trying to have a quiet cup of coffee and also ignored me! Now does a young Pomskies lady take this treatment stoically? Does she quietly slouch into a corner? No, bugger it, she, protestingly, pees on the carpet! I heard Grumps telling Mum about our adventures then she said, “She was really taking the piss!” I bridled, at this injustice. I did not “take the piss”, I’d left it in lots of places! Mmmmmmmmm, oops, those include a few Auntie Steph hasn’t discovered yet!
Special Days
As you’ve seen, all my days are special, whether they be at the beach, on the braes, going to Pets at Home to glom a treat or two. For Mum, two days seemed to hold more significance that the rest. The first of these was mid-winter and involved dressing the house up in shiny things. This gave rise to lots of chewing, closely followed by scoldings. If she didn’t want me to eat the things, why put them out in the first place? Really, Mum’s these days! Well, there rests the case for the defence! Unfortunately, Mum being both Judge and Jury, found me “guilty as charged” and sentenced me to the appalling indignity of having to wear a Santa hat or a pair of bloody antlers! Mind you she must have been guilty of something, cause when we went over to Granny’s, she had been forced to wear a “Minion” Onesy! JUSTICE!!
At Granny’s I got lots of paper to tear off stuff, it was great fun! They even went to the effort of having different shapes to chew it off, or was I missing the point? The point I did not miss was my first taste of Turkey and GRAVY! So that’s what the humans eat! Sneaky gifts hogging all the tasty stuff! Look out for the Pesky Pomsky Predator!
The next special day was my first birthday, again there was lots of paper to rip and a few quite interesting fillings. Mum took me over to Granny’s where we had a doggie party. We played chases, tug-of-war and mock fights, it was great. Mum and Granny had bought doggie Birthday cakes, which was very nice of them BUT they gave one of MY cakes to the other dogs! Ok, I had a smaller, Candy tummy kind of one all to myself BUT that’s not the point, MY grub should go in MY GOB!!! I was not a happy bunny but liberal helpings of my cake smoothed my hackles. But not when they made me wear a stupid bloody wimple birthday hat! I later got my own back on it, so it’s now, Hat…..R.I.P!
My year’s been full and I’ve camped, paddled and puddled in puddles, chased bikes in the snow and I am looking forward to my next adventures. Both Mum and Grumps have bought boats, partly named after me, as is only right. Grumps’ boat is a sailing dinghy called Puffin, as in Candy Puffin’. Mum took me over to help Grumps get it up his driveway. They tried reversing Grumps’ car but in the end had to push it up, with a great deal of effort and swearing. I gave them the benefit of my advice at great length and volume but it didn’t seem to help because they ignored me! Had they listened they might have discovered earlier that it would have been easier if Grumps had taken out the box with two anchors and chains and the bloody engine! See, sometimes Pomskies talk sense and this would have saved him from being called a “Fuppet!” by Mum! Mmmmmmmmm, now I know the word “Muppet” having been called it several times myself but where does the “F” come from?????? Mmmmmmmmm? OH! Got it! Soapy gob for Mum!
I was exposed to similar language in getting Mum’s boat. Mum asked Grumps if he could pick it up in his car as he had roof bars. We got the boat, now named “Floss” (you got it, as in “Candy Floss!”) they man-handled it onto the roof and Grumps tied it down. He also held the front of the canoe down with a bungee. I was still in the huff, about them ignoring me the last time, so I kept my own council. We went for a walk so I could attend to my needs. On the way back, I completed the last leg of my statuary “two puddles and a poo”, which Grumps diligently cleaned up. Mum suggested that they go for a coffee before the return journey. My ears pricked up, I’d no chance of glomming anything off Mum but Grumps is a soft touch! So there was prospects of scone for Candy. Grumps was still holding his little green bag so he stuck it between the bungee and the bonnet of his car, till he returned. Hold on! You’re way ahead of me, MY story so “no overtaking the narrator!”
We returned, post-coffee, some of us with crumbs in our whiskers, to the car, jumped in and off home! I was quietly dosing in the back seat when Grumps lets out a yell of “Shit!” I looked up quickly enough to see a green bag bounce off the windscreen and up into Floss! Mum had also been asleep. She woke with a start, “Shit? Eh? What shit?” Grumps laughed, “Literally, SHIT!” He explained the events, then summed up brilliantly by telling her, “Ye ken, the Queen Mary, Queen Elizabeth, QE2 and even the Titanic, were aw’ launched wi’ a bottle o’ Champagne but your boat’s jist been launched wi’ a bag o’ shite!” At this Mum collapsed into side-splitting belly laughs, I wasn’t sure what was so funny but I have heard that bird’s shit is lucky, so how much luckier, then, must be Pomsky Poo? Especially as it hadn’t burst on the windscreen!
I love my life, I love my families, I love my food (the order is negotiable) and I’m more than ready for much more of the same and new adventures to come.
About the Author
Edinburgh-born Roger McKillop is a retired Sports Studies lecturer. He has been writing poetry in Scots for many years and has had his work published in The Scots Magazine. His pen name is Roger Ceann Maol Beag, which means Wee Roger with the Bald Head!