B.O.G.O.F.
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Crime/Mystery
Swearwords: None.
Description: Ladies who just love to shop.
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Lisa blamed it on the film ‘Thelma and Louise’, the late night movie the friends watched while their husbands slept off a drunk from a presentation night at the local pub; a ‘men only’ thing. Cora wasn’t so sure and pointed to the fact that the weekly grocery run had spectacularly breached the one hundred pound mark at around the same time. Either way, they were in it together, no matter what had instigated it.
They first met in the maternity ward, each having given birth to a son with mere minutes between the deliveries. Their husbands knew each other of old, amateur footballers who had played for three seasons in the same Saltcoats Victoria side.
Lonnie, Cora’s husband, fixed up Lisa’s man, Declan, with a good job at the factory and soon the four were inseparable, especially when first, two girls, then another two boys joined the folds, the ladies again giving birth at more or less the same time on each occasion.
The two families holidayed together, went for days and weekends out together and, even before Cora and Lonnie moved in across the road from Lisa and Declan, partied and stayed over in whichever house they found themselves to be in. The kids too, found nothing unusual in this arrangement and tended to sleep where they fell. The fact that they all liked the same food, drinks, treats and TV shows, meant it didn’t much matter into whose fridge door they stuck their various noses.
With the kids all in school, Cora and Lisa found themselves with time to spare and would often take the train to Glasgow for a little retail therapy, and a nice relaxing lunch. On one such day, Lisa found a newspaper on the train seat and stuck her nose in it while Cora cat-napped. The paper was well travelled, all the way from Lancashire, The Evening News, and was dated from the previous day. A small, three inch column caught Lisa’s eye and made her chuckle, but not loud enough to awaken her friend; she committed the gist of the piece to memory.
Two days later, as they compiled shopping lists at Cora’s kitchen table, it struck them as amusing how similar those lists were; almost identical in fact. That’s when the newspaper article pushed its way to the forefront of Lisa’s memory. Over a cup of coffee, she told her friend the tale of a couple from Lancashire, from Wigan if memory served, who worked a scam whereby they filled two trolleys and only paid for the one, and were eventually caught when they got greedy and tried their hand with the electrical goods. The fact they were junkies didn’t help their endeavours since that in itself only aroused suspicion.
Lisa and Cora had long since decided they needed some adventure in their lives. Maybe not quite so radical as Thelma and Louise but there was a definite itch to do something bad, something naughty, something no one would believe them capable of; the plan was hatched there and then.
Living as they did in the heart of the posh end of Kilwinning, they counted seven, maybe eight at a pinch, large supermarkets within a twenty minute drive. Abandoning the big shopping trip in favour of a dummy run, they wrote out identical, smaller shopping lists consisting of six items only and drove separately to the nearest supermarket, each tingling with excitement and anticipation. Normally, they would wander the aisles together but not this time, this time they didn’t know each other and would only meet if a certain item on the list wasn’t available, with either one indicating an alternative or a complete pass on the item in question without speaking.
They’d drawn lots to choose which role to play for the execution of the plan and it was Lisa who joined the check-out queue while Cora browsed the clothing section and kept an eye out for her leaving the store. Five minutes later, Cora joined the queue at the Lottery kiosk and Lisa did the same, slipping the till receipt to her friend as she did so. Lisa then browsed the magazine rack and watched as Cora made a safe exit without using the check-out, the open plan effect of the store playing into their hands.
The operation has been refined since that first exhilarating foray. The friends dress alike, know which check-out has been used by whichever one has paid for their groceries in case it ever goes tits up, insist they don’t need carrier bags as their way of helping to save the planet, and never use the same supermarket two weeks running. The fact the person walking out without paying has that till receipt for back-up means there can be little or no argument. Many stores offer the ‘Buy One Get One Free’ option on selected goods, B.O.G.O.F. for short: Cora and Lisa quite happily take them up on it although to them it means a trolley-full. The money they save comes in handy for a night out at the Bingo, or when the kids need shoes, or extra spends for the holidays. They once called it pin money but now refer to it as trolley money; their little secret.
Swearwords: None.
Description: Ladies who just love to shop.
_____________________________________________________________________
Lisa blamed it on the film ‘Thelma and Louise’, the late night movie the friends watched while their husbands slept off a drunk from a presentation night at the local pub; a ‘men only’ thing. Cora wasn’t so sure and pointed to the fact that the weekly grocery run had spectacularly breached the one hundred pound mark at around the same time. Either way, they were in it together, no matter what had instigated it.
They first met in the maternity ward, each having given birth to a son with mere minutes between the deliveries. Their husbands knew each other of old, amateur footballers who had played for three seasons in the same Saltcoats Victoria side.
Lonnie, Cora’s husband, fixed up Lisa’s man, Declan, with a good job at the factory and soon the four were inseparable, especially when first, two girls, then another two boys joined the folds, the ladies again giving birth at more or less the same time on each occasion.
The two families holidayed together, went for days and weekends out together and, even before Cora and Lonnie moved in across the road from Lisa and Declan, partied and stayed over in whichever house they found themselves to be in. The kids too, found nothing unusual in this arrangement and tended to sleep where they fell. The fact that they all liked the same food, drinks, treats and TV shows, meant it didn’t much matter into whose fridge door they stuck their various noses.
With the kids all in school, Cora and Lisa found themselves with time to spare and would often take the train to Glasgow for a little retail therapy, and a nice relaxing lunch. On one such day, Lisa found a newspaper on the train seat and stuck her nose in it while Cora cat-napped. The paper was well travelled, all the way from Lancashire, The Evening News, and was dated from the previous day. A small, three inch column caught Lisa’s eye and made her chuckle, but not loud enough to awaken her friend; she committed the gist of the piece to memory.
Two days later, as they compiled shopping lists at Cora’s kitchen table, it struck them as amusing how similar those lists were; almost identical in fact. That’s when the newspaper article pushed its way to the forefront of Lisa’s memory. Over a cup of coffee, she told her friend the tale of a couple from Lancashire, from Wigan if memory served, who worked a scam whereby they filled two trolleys and only paid for the one, and were eventually caught when they got greedy and tried their hand with the electrical goods. The fact they were junkies didn’t help their endeavours since that in itself only aroused suspicion.
Lisa and Cora had long since decided they needed some adventure in their lives. Maybe not quite so radical as Thelma and Louise but there was a definite itch to do something bad, something naughty, something no one would believe them capable of; the plan was hatched there and then.
Living as they did in the heart of the posh end of Kilwinning, they counted seven, maybe eight at a pinch, large supermarkets within a twenty minute drive. Abandoning the big shopping trip in favour of a dummy run, they wrote out identical, smaller shopping lists consisting of six items only and drove separately to the nearest supermarket, each tingling with excitement and anticipation. Normally, they would wander the aisles together but not this time, this time they didn’t know each other and would only meet if a certain item on the list wasn’t available, with either one indicating an alternative or a complete pass on the item in question without speaking.
They’d drawn lots to choose which role to play for the execution of the plan and it was Lisa who joined the check-out queue while Cora browsed the clothing section and kept an eye out for her leaving the store. Five minutes later, Cora joined the queue at the Lottery kiosk and Lisa did the same, slipping the till receipt to her friend as she did so. Lisa then browsed the magazine rack and watched as Cora made a safe exit without using the check-out, the open plan effect of the store playing into their hands.
The operation has been refined since that first exhilarating foray. The friends dress alike, know which check-out has been used by whichever one has paid for their groceries in case it ever goes tits up, insist they don’t need carrier bags as their way of helping to save the planet, and never use the same supermarket two weeks running. The fact the person walking out without paying has that till receipt for back-up means there can be little or no argument. Many stores offer the ‘Buy One Get One Free’ option on selected goods, B.O.G.O.F. for short: Cora and Lisa quite happily take them up on it although to them it means a trolley-full. The money they save comes in handy for a night out at the Bingo, or when the kids need shoes, or extra spends for the holidays. They once called it pin money but now refer to it as trolley money; their little secret.
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in his 50s, an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in sunny Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He is inspired by the Ayrshire coast and likes what he calls "real music". He also enjoys pool, snooker and is a big fan of rugby league side, Wigan Warriors. He has written several novels and one poetry collection and says that writing gives him "endless pleasure". His two ebooks can be viewed by clicking on the images below.
Angus tells us that all his stories on McStorytellers have been inspired by the titles of songs written by Paul Kelly, who is often described as the poet laureate of Australia.
Angus tells us that all his stories on McStorytellers have been inspired by the titles of songs written by Paul Kelly, who is often described as the poet laureate of Australia.