B1InD dRuNk
by Andrew Velzian
Genre: Drama
Swearwords: A couple of strong ones.
Description: Not seeing the wood for the trees...
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I'm no an alcoholic, uh-uh no way.
So I like a beer now and again, who doesnae, eh? I mean, I'm no exactly sittin at the bridges wi a tin o Tennent’s Super in my hand, am I? Fair do's, I have pished masel a couple o times, but I am getting on ken? Like ah said to the wife... 'thirty-seven an I think a wee accident now and then isn't so un-feckin-forgivable do you!'
I have a sesh at the weekends like, but no as much as when I was younger tho as we've a got to grow up sometime. And never during the week tho nuh-uh, nae chance, not when I had work the next day. Walk past all the pubs on the way home now, wouldnae touch a drop, no sir-ee. And that’s despite o a’ her naggin, Christ, it would drive ye tae drink! 'Always workin, never hame...’ 'always oot wi the boys...' and always her ace up the sleeve ‘always life and soul until its just us the gether...' Any wonder? Bloody constant it is.
Anyway, as I'm kinda between jobs at the moment I’m havin a wee beer the now, even tho it’s a weekday morning. But why shouldnae I enjoy this sudden wee bit of time off, eh? In fact I’d be in work this very mornin if it wasn’t for Erchie-bloody-Mcpherson.
Aye that tube of a foreman seen me comin out o the Spiders Web at half six on a Monday mornin, fuck sake, only pickin up ma jaikit from the night afore before startin ma shift ken, like ah sais, dinnae touch a drop during the week. 'Unsteady on feet and appeared intoxicated..’ Eh? Bloody December mornin an the only thing I was intoxicated with was the bloody cauld, hence retrieving said jaikit! As for being unsteady on the old loafers: well, put it this way... the pavement was that iced over Torville and Dean would o been struggling like.
He even had the gall to say efterwards that I’d been 'unfit for work', he wine even there that day...! I had left work early, that’s true, but c'moan, I'd gotten a right chill walkin up to the Haymarket in the mornin wi no jacket on!
A wee bittie under the weather to begin wi that day ken, but no a thought, 'get yirsel up there, get yir coat and get intae yer shift, Davie' that’s what a thought 'dinnae let the company doon, no efter a’ these years'. Christ, a lesser man wouldnae o turnt up at aw!.
Nah.. Erchie’s always had it in fir me, you see him comin on site wi his suit and his hard hat on – no offence – lookin doon his nose at the minions in overalls like, never forgiven me for haein a few words when he stepped right intae the fresh concrete we were laying, took hours to get the mix right and get it levelled, just no fuckin professional is it, eh? Anyway, the daggers he gave me when what I’d said inspired a few chuckles pretty much marked me oot in his eyes.
So the wife’s away tae her mum’s wi the wee one, said she had to get her out the house wi the way things are, the atmosphere just wine suitable for a kid. I suppose she’s right like, what wi me no workin and that. She kent how much I loved that job an how hard I worked, the way ah wis just drained by the time I got hame. Telt her that’s why I let ma hair doon at the weekends, and now the occasional day here and there.
“Aye,” she muttered, “that'll be it, eh” as she wis half in the taxi, so I ken she knew the score. Rollin doon the windae, she goes, “phone us when you sort yourself out, if... you sort yourself out” before givin the driver the address.
It’s hit us both hard a’ this, I nearly feel it’s ma fault but I’m no mopin about, I don't even blame her, no really... I mean, what kind of a man would I be if I didnae forgive her, eh?
So anyhoo, I think this has all gone on long enough, so that’s whit I'm phonin fir, to see if maybe ah could get ma joab back... Ye ken ah wis a good worker... same pay, no special favours...
In fact tell you whit, won't even put a complaint in aboot Erchie-lying bassa-Mcpherson, aye? What d'you think..?
...hello?
...Hello?
HEL- ah f'sake!
Swearwords: A couple of strong ones.
Description: Not seeing the wood for the trees...
_____________________________________________________________________
I'm no an alcoholic, uh-uh no way.
So I like a beer now and again, who doesnae, eh? I mean, I'm no exactly sittin at the bridges wi a tin o Tennent’s Super in my hand, am I? Fair do's, I have pished masel a couple o times, but I am getting on ken? Like ah said to the wife... 'thirty-seven an I think a wee accident now and then isn't so un-feckin-forgivable do you!'
I have a sesh at the weekends like, but no as much as when I was younger tho as we've a got to grow up sometime. And never during the week tho nuh-uh, nae chance, not when I had work the next day. Walk past all the pubs on the way home now, wouldnae touch a drop, no sir-ee. And that’s despite o a’ her naggin, Christ, it would drive ye tae drink! 'Always workin, never hame...’ 'always oot wi the boys...' and always her ace up the sleeve ‘always life and soul until its just us the gether...' Any wonder? Bloody constant it is.
Anyway, as I'm kinda between jobs at the moment I’m havin a wee beer the now, even tho it’s a weekday morning. But why shouldnae I enjoy this sudden wee bit of time off, eh? In fact I’d be in work this very mornin if it wasn’t for Erchie-bloody-Mcpherson.
Aye that tube of a foreman seen me comin out o the Spiders Web at half six on a Monday mornin, fuck sake, only pickin up ma jaikit from the night afore before startin ma shift ken, like ah sais, dinnae touch a drop during the week. 'Unsteady on feet and appeared intoxicated..’ Eh? Bloody December mornin an the only thing I was intoxicated with was the bloody cauld, hence retrieving said jaikit! As for being unsteady on the old loafers: well, put it this way... the pavement was that iced over Torville and Dean would o been struggling like.
He even had the gall to say efterwards that I’d been 'unfit for work', he wine even there that day...! I had left work early, that’s true, but c'moan, I'd gotten a right chill walkin up to the Haymarket in the mornin wi no jacket on!
A wee bittie under the weather to begin wi that day ken, but no a thought, 'get yirsel up there, get yir coat and get intae yer shift, Davie' that’s what a thought 'dinnae let the company doon, no efter a’ these years'. Christ, a lesser man wouldnae o turnt up at aw!.
Nah.. Erchie’s always had it in fir me, you see him comin on site wi his suit and his hard hat on – no offence – lookin doon his nose at the minions in overalls like, never forgiven me for haein a few words when he stepped right intae the fresh concrete we were laying, took hours to get the mix right and get it levelled, just no fuckin professional is it, eh? Anyway, the daggers he gave me when what I’d said inspired a few chuckles pretty much marked me oot in his eyes.
So the wife’s away tae her mum’s wi the wee one, said she had to get her out the house wi the way things are, the atmosphere just wine suitable for a kid. I suppose she’s right like, what wi me no workin and that. She kent how much I loved that job an how hard I worked, the way ah wis just drained by the time I got hame. Telt her that’s why I let ma hair doon at the weekends, and now the occasional day here and there.
“Aye,” she muttered, “that'll be it, eh” as she wis half in the taxi, so I ken she knew the score. Rollin doon the windae, she goes, “phone us when you sort yourself out, if... you sort yourself out” before givin the driver the address.
It’s hit us both hard a’ this, I nearly feel it’s ma fault but I’m no mopin about, I don't even blame her, no really... I mean, what kind of a man would I be if I didnae forgive her, eh?
So anyhoo, I think this has all gone on long enough, so that’s whit I'm phonin fir, to see if maybe ah could get ma joab back... Ye ken ah wis a good worker... same pay, no special favours...
In fact tell you whit, won't even put a complaint in aboot Erchie-lying bassa-Mcpherson, aye? What d'you think..?
...hello?
...Hello?
HEL- ah f'sake!
About the Author
Born in Dunfermline, raised on the Orkney Isles and now residing in Cheshire, Andrew Velzian says he scribbles a few stories in between working and sleeping. B1InD dRuNk is his first story to be published.