Jack MacRoary's Fairtrade Adventure
Episode Seven
Genre: Drama
Swearwords: None.
Description: March 6th – Plan action, then take action.
Swearwords: None.
Description: March 6th – Plan action, then take action.
The next thing we had to do after the assembly was get an ‘action plan’ together. That was a lot harder than you’d think because it means people making decisions and that means a lot of disputes and sometimes even arguments.
Jimmy Wong said that he thought Brian’s assembly was stupid. Melissa said she thought it was a triumph. And smiled at him. I thought she fancied me, actually, but she was smiling all googly at Brian like now she fancied him. Which would be fine by me, because I don’t really have time for a girlfriend just now. My brother John has this great girlfriend, Heather, who is a farmer like him – and they are planning (but don’t tell mum and dad) to emigrate to Canada or New Zealand and be farmers there. And that’s the sort of girlfriend I’d like. One who would share my interests. Melissa isn’t really interested in farming, though she does like animals – cuddly ones, preferably – and I don’t think she’s that interested in potatoes. She doesn’t even eat chips because ‘she’s watching her figure.’ Brian says that means she wants us to be watching her figure, too. So in a way, maybe a romance between Melissa and Brian would be a good thing.
Melissa is also interested in fashion and girly girl type things. Which doesn’t really interest me. For example. One of the ideas she came up with for our action plan was to hold a Fairtrade fashion show. I thought that was a really bad idea and I said so. Maybe I said it a bit too rudely because Melissa ran out of the room crying. Miss Direction went after her. And when they came back together I said, ‘Sorry, Melissa, I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just that I’m not interested in fashion.’
And Miss Direction pointed out that I was the one who said you don’t have to be interested in something to support it if it’s a good idea. So that was that. We had to agree to have a Fairtrade fashion show as part of our action plan.
Miss Direction said it would get more girls interested in Fairtrade which would be a good thing. And then she explained to us that cotton was one of the major Fairtrade ‘issues’ of our time. And told us all about the chemicals used in dyeing jeans and how in some countries this just runs through the water courses, poisoning the environment and the people, too.
But I was quite keen that we wouldn’t just do girly things for Fairtrade. Even if, as mum says, it’s the women who make the shopping choices, I still think it’s important that men understand Fairtrade, too. They, after all, are the ones who are mostly working in the Free Market in positions of power. Anyway, we decided as part of our action plan that we would run a number of diverse events which would suit everyone. So we agreed the Fashion Show first and then a Football Match. And a Fairtrade bake-sale. All of these were going to raise money for the Fairtrade Valentines Disco. I was outvoted on that one, too. Everyone except me and Jimmy Wong voted for the Disco. Even Brian. I was surprised. But I think Brian quite likes Melissa, too. And of course Mr Smith voted for a Valentines Disco – because he probably thinks that will mean he can buy Miss Direction some Fairtrade Roses and get into her good books that way. So even though it was before Christmas, love was in the air at DrumTumshie Academy.
Now we had all these good ideas we had to put the action plan into action. And find dates for all these things which had to be completed before Fairtrade Fortnight if we were going to get our full Fairtrade School status in time for that. Which was our first goal on our action plan. But we realised that for a fashion show we were going to have to get much more support. More girls than just Melissa, that was for sure. She couldn’t be expected to ‘convert’ all the girls to Fairtrade on her own, but what did any of us boys know about fashion?
Melissa said she would teach us and she offered to take us out on a shopping trip with her at the weekend. I didn’t want to go. Brian was quite keen. But then Melissa’s mum talked to my mum and to Brian’s mum and somehow all those mums getting together meant that my mum told me that I really should go to ‘support’ Brian.
I asked her what she meant and she said that Brian’s mum would be happier if I was there, too, because Brian didn’t really like shops or crowded places always and ‘you never know how he will react.’
And I said, ‘I know how Brian will react to shopping. Like any boy, he’ll hate it.’
And mum said, ‘Well maybe it isn’t about shopping, maybe it’s about Brian liking Melissa.’ And she paused and looked at me. I looked straight back.
‘Are you jealous?’ she asked me
‘No, mum,’ I said. Because I wasn’t. ‘I’m not looking for a girlfriend, mum, and if I was, I wouldn’t pick Melissa.’
Dad laughed at that one and said, ‘You think we do the picking, son? You have a lot to learn.’
And mum then said that I should be happy for Brian and go along with him as a chaperone.
‘Does that mean like a cowboy’s sidekick?’ I asked.
‘No, it means a gooseberry,’ said John. My brother John and Heather were there for their tea. It was Friday and they were going to be helping dad on the farm for the weekend – but they still haven’t told my parents their long term plan.
‘It’s just a nice thing for a friend to do,’ said Heather, giving John what dad would call an ‘old fashioned look.’
‘Okay, I’ll do it,’ I said. ‘If you can spare me on the farm, dad?’
‘I think we can do without you for one day,’ dad said. ‘After all, with John and Heather…’
So it was agreed. I had to go on the bus with Brian and Melissa to go off to Aberdeen, which is a long long way from DrumTumshie, to find out about fashion and Fairtrade. And guess what? There wasn’t much Fairtrade fashion in Aberdeen, though Tesco does some Fairtrade jeans. And even though it is meant to be a Fairtrade City. I couldn’t tell the difference between it and any other city. Mostly it was just a very boring day walking round the shops. Melissa and Brian seemed to enjoy themselves. Brian got excited over a red pair of jeans, but Melissa wouldn’t let him buy them because they weren’t Fairtrade. We had lunch at a café which did serve Fairtrade tea and coffee and so we all had Fairtrade cappuccinos. Me and Brian checked that the sugar was Fairtrade too and then put in three spoons each so that made the coffee taste a bit better. Melissa didn’t put in sugar because as she says ‘she’s watching her figure.’
‘So am I, Melissa, so am I,’ said Brian and she blushed. And I blushed. But Brian didn’t blush.
I asked the waitress (who I swear was laughing because she’d heard Brian’s comment) if the milk was Fairtrade and she blushed, too. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I can ask.’
‘Don’t bother,’ I said. ‘It won’t be. There’s no such thing as Fairtrade milk.’
‘Yet,’ said Brian. ‘But we’re on a mission to make Fairtrade milk a possibility.’
And Melissa told me to ‘stop chatting up the waitress’ and we finished our coffees and toasties and went out for more shopping.
But since this isn’t a story about shopping I’m not going to tell you any more. I’ll have to tell you more about fashion when we come to the fashion show but until then you’ll just have to wait. I know that the DrumTumshie Fairtrade School isn’t just about me, but I’m not letting Melissa take over the story. So there.
Jimmy Wong said that he thought Brian’s assembly was stupid. Melissa said she thought it was a triumph. And smiled at him. I thought she fancied me, actually, but she was smiling all googly at Brian like now she fancied him. Which would be fine by me, because I don’t really have time for a girlfriend just now. My brother John has this great girlfriend, Heather, who is a farmer like him – and they are planning (but don’t tell mum and dad) to emigrate to Canada or New Zealand and be farmers there. And that’s the sort of girlfriend I’d like. One who would share my interests. Melissa isn’t really interested in farming, though she does like animals – cuddly ones, preferably – and I don’t think she’s that interested in potatoes. She doesn’t even eat chips because ‘she’s watching her figure.’ Brian says that means she wants us to be watching her figure, too. So in a way, maybe a romance between Melissa and Brian would be a good thing.
Melissa is also interested in fashion and girly girl type things. Which doesn’t really interest me. For example. One of the ideas she came up with for our action plan was to hold a Fairtrade fashion show. I thought that was a really bad idea and I said so. Maybe I said it a bit too rudely because Melissa ran out of the room crying. Miss Direction went after her. And when they came back together I said, ‘Sorry, Melissa, I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just that I’m not interested in fashion.’
And Miss Direction pointed out that I was the one who said you don’t have to be interested in something to support it if it’s a good idea. So that was that. We had to agree to have a Fairtrade fashion show as part of our action plan.
Miss Direction said it would get more girls interested in Fairtrade which would be a good thing. And then she explained to us that cotton was one of the major Fairtrade ‘issues’ of our time. And told us all about the chemicals used in dyeing jeans and how in some countries this just runs through the water courses, poisoning the environment and the people, too.
But I was quite keen that we wouldn’t just do girly things for Fairtrade. Even if, as mum says, it’s the women who make the shopping choices, I still think it’s important that men understand Fairtrade, too. They, after all, are the ones who are mostly working in the Free Market in positions of power. Anyway, we decided as part of our action plan that we would run a number of diverse events which would suit everyone. So we agreed the Fashion Show first and then a Football Match. And a Fairtrade bake-sale. All of these were going to raise money for the Fairtrade Valentines Disco. I was outvoted on that one, too. Everyone except me and Jimmy Wong voted for the Disco. Even Brian. I was surprised. But I think Brian quite likes Melissa, too. And of course Mr Smith voted for a Valentines Disco – because he probably thinks that will mean he can buy Miss Direction some Fairtrade Roses and get into her good books that way. So even though it was before Christmas, love was in the air at DrumTumshie Academy.
Now we had all these good ideas we had to put the action plan into action. And find dates for all these things which had to be completed before Fairtrade Fortnight if we were going to get our full Fairtrade School status in time for that. Which was our first goal on our action plan. But we realised that for a fashion show we were going to have to get much more support. More girls than just Melissa, that was for sure. She couldn’t be expected to ‘convert’ all the girls to Fairtrade on her own, but what did any of us boys know about fashion?
Melissa said she would teach us and she offered to take us out on a shopping trip with her at the weekend. I didn’t want to go. Brian was quite keen. But then Melissa’s mum talked to my mum and to Brian’s mum and somehow all those mums getting together meant that my mum told me that I really should go to ‘support’ Brian.
I asked her what she meant and she said that Brian’s mum would be happier if I was there, too, because Brian didn’t really like shops or crowded places always and ‘you never know how he will react.’
And I said, ‘I know how Brian will react to shopping. Like any boy, he’ll hate it.’
And mum said, ‘Well maybe it isn’t about shopping, maybe it’s about Brian liking Melissa.’ And she paused and looked at me. I looked straight back.
‘Are you jealous?’ she asked me
‘No, mum,’ I said. Because I wasn’t. ‘I’m not looking for a girlfriend, mum, and if I was, I wouldn’t pick Melissa.’
Dad laughed at that one and said, ‘You think we do the picking, son? You have a lot to learn.’
And mum then said that I should be happy for Brian and go along with him as a chaperone.
‘Does that mean like a cowboy’s sidekick?’ I asked.
‘No, it means a gooseberry,’ said John. My brother John and Heather were there for their tea. It was Friday and they were going to be helping dad on the farm for the weekend – but they still haven’t told my parents their long term plan.
‘It’s just a nice thing for a friend to do,’ said Heather, giving John what dad would call an ‘old fashioned look.’
‘Okay, I’ll do it,’ I said. ‘If you can spare me on the farm, dad?’
‘I think we can do without you for one day,’ dad said. ‘After all, with John and Heather…’
So it was agreed. I had to go on the bus with Brian and Melissa to go off to Aberdeen, which is a long long way from DrumTumshie, to find out about fashion and Fairtrade. And guess what? There wasn’t much Fairtrade fashion in Aberdeen, though Tesco does some Fairtrade jeans. And even though it is meant to be a Fairtrade City. I couldn’t tell the difference between it and any other city. Mostly it was just a very boring day walking round the shops. Melissa and Brian seemed to enjoy themselves. Brian got excited over a red pair of jeans, but Melissa wouldn’t let him buy them because they weren’t Fairtrade. We had lunch at a café which did serve Fairtrade tea and coffee and so we all had Fairtrade cappuccinos. Me and Brian checked that the sugar was Fairtrade too and then put in three spoons each so that made the coffee taste a bit better. Melissa didn’t put in sugar because as she says ‘she’s watching her figure.’
‘So am I, Melissa, so am I,’ said Brian and she blushed. And I blushed. But Brian didn’t blush.
I asked the waitress (who I swear was laughing because she’d heard Brian’s comment) if the milk was Fairtrade and she blushed, too. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I can ask.’
‘Don’t bother,’ I said. ‘It won’t be. There’s no such thing as Fairtrade milk.’
‘Yet,’ said Brian. ‘But we’re on a mission to make Fairtrade milk a possibility.’
And Melissa told me to ‘stop chatting up the waitress’ and we finished our coffees and toasties and went out for more shopping.
But since this isn’t a story about shopping I’m not going to tell you any more. I’ll have to tell you more about fashion when we come to the fashion show but until then you’ll just have to wait. I know that the DrumTumshie Fairtrade School isn’t just about me, but I’m not letting Melissa take over the story. So there.
About the Author
Jack MacRoary, also known locally as the Bard of DrumTumshie, comes from the small farming community of TattyBogle, which he has singlehandedly put on the map through his fame. After bursting onto the Scottish literary cultural scene in August 2012, when he appeared at the inaugural Edinburgh eBook Festival, Jack now attends DrumTumshie Academy.
During his brief but eventful literary career so far, Jack has been a blogger, providing an insightful commentary on rural life and Scots culture; a short story writer; and most recently a political commentator through his McSerial contributions to the McStorytellers website.
The Complete TattyBogle, Jack's first “real book” published by McStorytellers in 2015, brings together in a handy compendium all of his musings, commentaries and stories to date.
During his brief but eventful literary career so far, Jack has been a blogger, providing an insightful commentary on rural life and Scots culture; a short story writer; and most recently a political commentator through his McSerial contributions to the McStorytellers website.
The Complete TattyBogle, Jack's first “real book” published by McStorytellers in 2015, brings together in a handy compendium all of his musings, commentaries and stories to date.