Jack MacRoary's Fairtrade Adventure
Episode Twelve
Genre: Drama
Swearwords: None.
Description: March 11th – The Great DrumTumshie Valentines Disco.
Swearwords: None.
Description: March 11th – The Great DrumTumshie Valentines Disco.
After the Fashion Show and the Film and the Football Match we had just about scored enough points for our FairActive status and it was time to push on to the Big One – Time to become a Fair Achiever. The next big event at DrumTumshie Academy happened on Saturday 13th February (because whatever we did we couldn’t get the jannie to come in on Sunday 14th which is the real Valentine’s Day) and it was the Big Valentines Disco.
Normally I don’t like to go to that sort of thing and I didn’t really want to go this time. Normally Brian doesn’t want to go either. He doesn’t like crowded places, but he was really keen to go to the Valentines disco, and he had even got his mum to buy him some Fairtrade clothes to wear. My mum, although she supports Fairtrade, said that until I grow out of what I’ve got I can’t change my clothes for Fairtrade. My dad says that I can’t buy all Fairtrade clothes until there’s proper Fairtrade for Farmers in Scotland too – so I think I might be waiting a long time. You see, it’s not that easy being fully committed to Fairtrade. But even if I can’t wear the clothes, I can do what I can to support Fairtrade and workers around the world. And so I went to the Disco. With, as my mum would say. ‘good grace’.
Normally Brian and I would go to this sort of thing together, if we had to go. But this time we went with Melissa. Which everyone thought was kind of funny. They kept telling us we should be going as a couple. Obviously Brian and I wouldn’t go as a couple – except a couple of friends – but everyone kept saying that we were mini-me’s of Mr Smith, Mr Marker and Miss Direction. I’m not sure I’d want to be a mini-me of Mr Smith or Mr Marker. And Jessica White kept being really annoying and whispering ‘who’s the gooseberry?’ to me and to Brian. I think she’s just trying to get us arguing with each other. But we’re not Mr Smith and Mr Marker.
And anyway, Melissa went into the dance between me and Brian with her arms linked through both of us. That led to more ‘speculation’ as to which of us she was going out with. I wanted to prove she wasn’t going out with me, so I went straight up to Miss Direction and asked her for the first dance. I know! Can you believe it? I don’t know where I got the courage from. I think it was just because I wanted to show Jessica White that she’s a stupid girl, which she is. She was dancing with Jimmy Wong. And that left Brian dancing with Melissa. Which was quite a spectacle, because Brian has his own way of dancing which is quite different to everyone else. It doesn’t matter what kind of dance it is meant to be – even if it’s the Gay Gordon’s or Disco Fever, Brian just dances how Brian likes to dance. Melissa didn’t seem to mind.
Miss Direction said yes to dancing with me. As we started she whispered in my ear, ‘Come on, Jack, let’s show them how it’s done.’ And I think by ‘them’ she meant Mr Smith and Mr Marker who were standing on the sidelines trying to look cool and at the same time like they didn’t care for dancing at all. But I knew they were both fizzing that I was dancing with Miss Direction, and that she seemed to be enjoying it.
When the dance was finished, Brian came up to Miss Direction and me and he said, ‘You can really let your hair down, Miss Direction,’ and we all laughed.
‘Thank you Brian,’ she said. ‘Would you like to dance the next dance with me?’
And Brian said yes, and off they went. Which left me dancing with Melissa. She came and asked me, I didn’t ask her. And she kept trying to do a slow dance with me, even though the music was quite fast. I had to keep ignoring that. But there’s only so long you can ignore it.
‘Do you like me?’ I asked her (no one else could hear because the music was loud and Brian was ‘owning’ the floor).
‘Yes, of course I do, Jack,’ she said.
‘More than Brian?’ I asked
‘What are you asking me?’ she said.
‘I don’t know,’ I said. I was getting confused. It must have been all the roses and Valentines hearts around that did it.
‘Are you asking me to go out with you?’ she said.
And then I didn’t know what to say. So I said nothing while I tried to think of something. Luckily, because she’s a girl, she knew what to say first so she said,
‘Because I think Brian likes me, and I wouldn’t want to split up a friendship.’
‘Do you want to go out with Brian?’ I asked her.
‘I don’t know,’ she said.
‘Because it’s all right with me if you do,’ I said. Even though I have to admit I felt, just in that moment, a little bit of jealousy. But it was probably more because I was worried about losing Brian as my friend if he spent all his time with Melissa, which is what you have to do when you have a girlfriend. Even if you have a ‘mates before dates’ pact, it never seems to work that way.
‘I think it might be better if we all just stay friends,’ Melissa said. And she kissed me on the cheek. It was the end of the dance and I don’t think anyone saw us. I hope not.
Then Brian came back and we all danced together for a bit and then we needed to sit down and have a drink. We had Fairtrade punch. It was non-alcoholic (though you can get Fairtrade wine and even beer, but we didn’t think it was good to put those in a school punch) but it had Fairtrade Apple and Orange juice and some Fairtrade fruit as well. Brian had put in some dried apricots and mango which made it taste a bit weird, but it was all right to quench the thirst. And we were very thirsty after all that dancing.
Then Jessica White came up and asked me to dance. I didn’t really want to, but I thought I should, so I said yes. And then in the middle of the dance, Jimmy Wong and Jeremy White came up and shoved me.
‘Get away from my sister,’ said White.
‘Get away from my girlfriend,’ said Wong.
I don’t know who threw the first punch. I think it might have been Jessica, actually. But before I knew it I was in a fight and Mr Marker and Mr Smith came across and pulled us apart.
But before they could do that Brian came across with a big bowl of punch and he threw it all over Jessica and Jimmy and Jeremy.
‘A punch for a punch,’ he said.
And I was laughing so hard that I forgot all about the fact that we were going to be in real trouble for fighting. The next thing I remember is that Miss Direction was laughing. And then Mr Marker. And then, a bit reluctantly, Mr Smith.
And Miss Direction said, ‘I think Brian has had the last word on this subject,’ and told us that as long as we tidied it up (and all shook hands) then there would be no more ramifications. And before we knew it, while we were off getting mops and cloths to tidy the mess up (that’s me and Brian and Melissa because Jeremy and Jessica and Jimmy Wong went home whining that their clothes were ‘ruined’ – Mr Marker had snuck in and asked Miss Direction for a dance, leaving Mr Smith to ‘supervise us’.
He wasn’t very happy about it. But Brian once again saved the day.
‘It’s just White and Wong,’ said Brian. ‘What can you expect?’
And Mr Smith finally found Brian funny. At least he laughed. At least I think he did.
In conclusion then. The Valentines Disco was what Miss Direction would call ‘a qualified success.’ It certainly flushed out the Whites and Jimmy Wong for what they were. Melissa and I and Brian decided all to be friends. ‘Is that friends with benefits?’ Jeremy White asked at the committee meeting when Brian told him. ‘No, friends without gooseberries,’ Brian said. ‘Because you can’t get Fairtrade gooseberries, and we are Fairtrade friends.’
I still can’t really tell you about the romance between Miss Direction and Mr Smith or Mr Marker. Maybe they are like me and Melissa and Brian? You can never tell with teachers. I can tell you that when I think back about the Valentines Disco, the best bit (apart from White and Wong getting covered in punch) was dancing with Miss Direction. But don’t tell anyone I said that – especially not Melissa.
And we sold all the Fairtrade Roses – Brian and me bought a bunch each for our mums, but of course we gave Melissa one too. And we both gave Miss Direction one as well. We were keen to spread the Fairtrade love far and wide. As Brian said, ‘We’re not animals, so we don’t have to go two by two.’ We are Fairtrade friends and that’s the best kind to be. And I agree with him.
Normally I don’t like to go to that sort of thing and I didn’t really want to go this time. Normally Brian doesn’t want to go either. He doesn’t like crowded places, but he was really keen to go to the Valentines disco, and he had even got his mum to buy him some Fairtrade clothes to wear. My mum, although she supports Fairtrade, said that until I grow out of what I’ve got I can’t change my clothes for Fairtrade. My dad says that I can’t buy all Fairtrade clothes until there’s proper Fairtrade for Farmers in Scotland too – so I think I might be waiting a long time. You see, it’s not that easy being fully committed to Fairtrade. But even if I can’t wear the clothes, I can do what I can to support Fairtrade and workers around the world. And so I went to the Disco. With, as my mum would say. ‘good grace’.
Normally Brian and I would go to this sort of thing together, if we had to go. But this time we went with Melissa. Which everyone thought was kind of funny. They kept telling us we should be going as a couple. Obviously Brian and I wouldn’t go as a couple – except a couple of friends – but everyone kept saying that we were mini-me’s of Mr Smith, Mr Marker and Miss Direction. I’m not sure I’d want to be a mini-me of Mr Smith or Mr Marker. And Jessica White kept being really annoying and whispering ‘who’s the gooseberry?’ to me and to Brian. I think she’s just trying to get us arguing with each other. But we’re not Mr Smith and Mr Marker.
And anyway, Melissa went into the dance between me and Brian with her arms linked through both of us. That led to more ‘speculation’ as to which of us she was going out with. I wanted to prove she wasn’t going out with me, so I went straight up to Miss Direction and asked her for the first dance. I know! Can you believe it? I don’t know where I got the courage from. I think it was just because I wanted to show Jessica White that she’s a stupid girl, which she is. She was dancing with Jimmy Wong. And that left Brian dancing with Melissa. Which was quite a spectacle, because Brian has his own way of dancing which is quite different to everyone else. It doesn’t matter what kind of dance it is meant to be – even if it’s the Gay Gordon’s or Disco Fever, Brian just dances how Brian likes to dance. Melissa didn’t seem to mind.
Miss Direction said yes to dancing with me. As we started she whispered in my ear, ‘Come on, Jack, let’s show them how it’s done.’ And I think by ‘them’ she meant Mr Smith and Mr Marker who were standing on the sidelines trying to look cool and at the same time like they didn’t care for dancing at all. But I knew they were both fizzing that I was dancing with Miss Direction, and that she seemed to be enjoying it.
When the dance was finished, Brian came up to Miss Direction and me and he said, ‘You can really let your hair down, Miss Direction,’ and we all laughed.
‘Thank you Brian,’ she said. ‘Would you like to dance the next dance with me?’
And Brian said yes, and off they went. Which left me dancing with Melissa. She came and asked me, I didn’t ask her. And she kept trying to do a slow dance with me, even though the music was quite fast. I had to keep ignoring that. But there’s only so long you can ignore it.
‘Do you like me?’ I asked her (no one else could hear because the music was loud and Brian was ‘owning’ the floor).
‘Yes, of course I do, Jack,’ she said.
‘More than Brian?’ I asked
‘What are you asking me?’ she said.
‘I don’t know,’ I said. I was getting confused. It must have been all the roses and Valentines hearts around that did it.
‘Are you asking me to go out with you?’ she said.
And then I didn’t know what to say. So I said nothing while I tried to think of something. Luckily, because she’s a girl, she knew what to say first so she said,
‘Because I think Brian likes me, and I wouldn’t want to split up a friendship.’
‘Do you want to go out with Brian?’ I asked her.
‘I don’t know,’ she said.
‘Because it’s all right with me if you do,’ I said. Even though I have to admit I felt, just in that moment, a little bit of jealousy. But it was probably more because I was worried about losing Brian as my friend if he spent all his time with Melissa, which is what you have to do when you have a girlfriend. Even if you have a ‘mates before dates’ pact, it never seems to work that way.
‘I think it might be better if we all just stay friends,’ Melissa said. And she kissed me on the cheek. It was the end of the dance and I don’t think anyone saw us. I hope not.
Then Brian came back and we all danced together for a bit and then we needed to sit down and have a drink. We had Fairtrade punch. It was non-alcoholic (though you can get Fairtrade wine and even beer, but we didn’t think it was good to put those in a school punch) but it had Fairtrade Apple and Orange juice and some Fairtrade fruit as well. Brian had put in some dried apricots and mango which made it taste a bit weird, but it was all right to quench the thirst. And we were very thirsty after all that dancing.
Then Jessica White came up and asked me to dance. I didn’t really want to, but I thought I should, so I said yes. And then in the middle of the dance, Jimmy Wong and Jeremy White came up and shoved me.
‘Get away from my sister,’ said White.
‘Get away from my girlfriend,’ said Wong.
I don’t know who threw the first punch. I think it might have been Jessica, actually. But before I knew it I was in a fight and Mr Marker and Mr Smith came across and pulled us apart.
But before they could do that Brian came across with a big bowl of punch and he threw it all over Jessica and Jimmy and Jeremy.
‘A punch for a punch,’ he said.
And I was laughing so hard that I forgot all about the fact that we were going to be in real trouble for fighting. The next thing I remember is that Miss Direction was laughing. And then Mr Marker. And then, a bit reluctantly, Mr Smith.
And Miss Direction said, ‘I think Brian has had the last word on this subject,’ and told us that as long as we tidied it up (and all shook hands) then there would be no more ramifications. And before we knew it, while we were off getting mops and cloths to tidy the mess up (that’s me and Brian and Melissa because Jeremy and Jessica and Jimmy Wong went home whining that their clothes were ‘ruined’ – Mr Marker had snuck in and asked Miss Direction for a dance, leaving Mr Smith to ‘supervise us’.
He wasn’t very happy about it. But Brian once again saved the day.
‘It’s just White and Wong,’ said Brian. ‘What can you expect?’
And Mr Smith finally found Brian funny. At least he laughed. At least I think he did.
In conclusion then. The Valentines Disco was what Miss Direction would call ‘a qualified success.’ It certainly flushed out the Whites and Jimmy Wong for what they were. Melissa and I and Brian decided all to be friends. ‘Is that friends with benefits?’ Jeremy White asked at the committee meeting when Brian told him. ‘No, friends without gooseberries,’ Brian said. ‘Because you can’t get Fairtrade gooseberries, and we are Fairtrade friends.’
I still can’t really tell you about the romance between Miss Direction and Mr Smith or Mr Marker. Maybe they are like me and Melissa and Brian? You can never tell with teachers. I can tell you that when I think back about the Valentines Disco, the best bit (apart from White and Wong getting covered in punch) was dancing with Miss Direction. But don’t tell anyone I said that – especially not Melissa.
And we sold all the Fairtrade Roses – Brian and me bought a bunch each for our mums, but of course we gave Melissa one too. And we both gave Miss Direction one as well. We were keen to spread the Fairtrade love far and wide. As Brian said, ‘We’re not animals, so we don’t have to go two by two.’ We are Fairtrade friends and that’s the best kind to be. And I agree with him.
About the Author
Jack MacRoary, also known locally as the Bard of DrumTumshie, comes from the small farming community of TattyBogle, which he has singlehandedly put on the map through his fame. After bursting onto the Scottish literary cultural scene in August 2012, when he appeared at the inaugural Edinburgh eBook Festival, Jack now attends DrumTumshie Academy.
During his brief but eventful literary career so far, Jack has been a blogger, providing an insightful commentary on rural life and Scots culture; a short story writer; and most recently a political commentator through his McSerial contributions to the McStorytellers website.
The Complete TattyBogle, Jack's first “real book” published by McStorytellers in 2015, brings together in a handy compendium all of his musings, commentaries and stories to date.
During his brief but eventful literary career so far, Jack has been a blogger, providing an insightful commentary on rural life and Scots culture; a short story writer; and most recently a political commentator through his McSerial contributions to the McStorytellers website.
The Complete TattyBogle, Jack's first “real book” published by McStorytellers in 2015, brings together in a handy compendium all of his musings, commentaries and stories to date.