A Town Without a Box Store
by Michael C. Keith
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: None.
Description: A town is desperate for an attraction.
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Silas McComber stood before the town council for the umpteenth time and did his utmost to convince its five members that what their remote village needed was a giant retail outlet.
“We’re just a no count place without one of them big city stores. Even Forestville has one, and it’s only a little bigger than we are,” spouted Silas to the panel that appeared on the verge of slipping into a group coma.
“Now, Silas, you know that Forestville is much larger than Sim’s Creek, and there ain’t no way that a big outlet is going to open a place here. Just not going to happen,” said councilwoman Betty Cowling.
“Well, if we had one of them box stores we might get some growth,” argued Silas.
“People don’t move to a place because it’s got a Wal-Mart or Ikea. Maybe if we had some kind of legitimate attraction, like an amusement park or hot springs, we’d draw some new blood. But we ain’t got nothing like that. Only thing we got is the ol’ creek, and it’s about dried up. Not even high enough to dangle your feet in it. Stinks, too.”
“How about a whorehouse!” blurted Jason Cumbatch, the town’s inebriate.
“You crazy? Besides, they just draw transients. Nobody’s going to move here permanently because we have a brothel. That’s just plain stupid,” countered councilman Merle Hopsmith.
“Yeah,” agreed Silas, with a snicker. “We don’t need people coming and going.”
“Well, ain’t that what they do in them box stores you’re talking about?” hiccupped Cumbatch.
Swearwords: None.
Description: A town is desperate for an attraction.
_____________________________________________________________________
Silas McComber stood before the town council for the umpteenth time and did his utmost to convince its five members that what their remote village needed was a giant retail outlet.
“We’re just a no count place without one of them big city stores. Even Forestville has one, and it’s only a little bigger than we are,” spouted Silas to the panel that appeared on the verge of slipping into a group coma.
“Now, Silas, you know that Forestville is much larger than Sim’s Creek, and there ain’t no way that a big outlet is going to open a place here. Just not going to happen,” said councilwoman Betty Cowling.
“Well, if we had one of them box stores we might get some growth,” argued Silas.
“People don’t move to a place because it’s got a Wal-Mart or Ikea. Maybe if we had some kind of legitimate attraction, like an amusement park or hot springs, we’d draw some new blood. But we ain’t got nothing like that. Only thing we got is the ol’ creek, and it’s about dried up. Not even high enough to dangle your feet in it. Stinks, too.”
“How about a whorehouse!” blurted Jason Cumbatch, the town’s inebriate.
“You crazy? Besides, they just draw transients. Nobody’s going to move here permanently because we have a brothel. That’s just plain stupid,” countered councilman Merle Hopsmith.
“Yeah,” agreed Silas, with a snicker. “We don’t need people coming and going.”
“Well, ain’t that what they do in them box stores you’re talking about?” hiccupped Cumbatch.
About the Author
Originally from Albany, New York, Michael C. Keith has paternal family roots stretching back to Clan Keith of Caithness and Aberdeenshire. A leading scholar in electronic media in the United States, he is the author of over 20 books on electronic media, as well as a memoir and three books of fiction. Much more about Michael and his publications can be found on his website: http://www.michaelckeith.com