A Brief History of Violence
by Brendan Gisby

Genre: Drama
Swearwords: Some strong ones.
Description: A modern re-telling of the David and Goliath story.

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​​Actions have consequences, so they say.  That was certainly true in my case.  Mind you, I didn’t find out about the consequences till three days after.  It all started on the Wednesday night.  I was standing at the bar of my local, enjoying a quiet pint, when somebody tipped me the wink that my wee sis was involved in a stooshie outside.  Sure enough, when I turned round I could see through the glass panes of the swing-doors that the sis and her ex were having a good old ding-dong across the street.  Which was nothing unusual.  Well, not until the ex grabbed her by the throat.  That was when I acted, hauling back both swing-doors and rushing out into the street.  The ex fucked off, his tail between his legs, as soon as he saw me, and I brought the sis back into the pub.  All sorted.  Not.  Actions have consequences, remember.  The following Saturday, me and the wee bro went to the hotel along the road, where they have a late-night disco.  The place was hooching by the time we got there.  We had just been served at the lounge bar when someone behind me tapped my shoulder.  Actually, it was more of a dunt than a tap. I turned round to find myself staring at the chest of Big Billy No-Brains.  He’s at least six feet six and therefore a foot taller than me.  He’s also something like ten years younger, by the way.  When I looked up at his twisted face, he dunted me again, this time in  the chest.  “Ah’ve gote a bone tae pick wi’ you,” he spluttered into my face.  “I wis sittin’ right next tae they swing-doors the other night.  When you sent them flyin’ back, wan o’ them hut me in the knee.  And it’s been giein’ me gyp ever since.”  Fuck, I didn’t know the big fucker had even been in the pub on Wednesday.  But actions have consequences, right.  “I’m sorr–” I began, but before I could finish he took a hefty swipe at me with his right fist.  Luckily, I moved my head just a fraction so that his fist only grazed my face.  Then the reflexes took over.  When you’re a wee guy growing up in that place, you learn to defend yourself.  And obviously attack is the best form of defence.  Using my left arm to block any more swipes from him, I jabbed him in the face with my right.  Once.  Twice.  Three times.  It was becoming monotonous.  I even had time to give the wee bro a gentle jab to discourage him from joining in.  Big bully bastard or not, two against one is not on in my book.  Anyway, with each jab, Big Billy took a step back and I took a step forward.  So we ended up dancing that way round the disco floor, the crowd dispersing just ahead of us.  Once, twice, three times a lady.  And on it went until his mates dragged my dancing partner away.  By the time I returned to the bar, the girl had turned up.  Fuck, she was all over me, her eyes bright and shining, like she was turned on by the violence.  But no sooner had we sat at a table with our drinks when Big Billy came storming at me.  Stupid fucker.  Which is why he’s called No-Brains, I suppose.  Anyway, I was up in a flash.  “So you fancy another wee dance, then?” I asked him with a big grin across my face.  And so began Round Two, which only ended when his mates pulled him away again.  Later that night in the girl’s flat, she couldn’t get enough of me.  Man, we were still at it well into the wee hours.  So there you go, Billy No-Brains.  Actions do have consequences.  You had to hide yourself in your house for six weeks until your sore face stopped frightening people.  While all this old guy suffered was a grazed cheekbone and a torn tee-shirt.  And he was rewarded with a shag-fest to remember, as well as local hero status and the new nickname of Rocky.

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About the Author

​Brendan Gisby is McStoryteller-in-Residence.  He's the author of four novels, three biographies and several short story collections.
 
His official author's website is Blazes Boylan's Book Bazaar.  And his books are displayed at these links on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com.