Nothing But A Dream
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: A couple of mild ones.
Description: Some dreams have been known to come true... and others?
_____________________________________________________________________
After six months of self imposed exile following an abusive relationship, Rammy decided to take the bull by the horns and put himself back in the shop window so to speak. He shaved the beard he had been cultivating, bought new clothes, casual, nothing fancy, spruced himself up and headed off for a night out on the tiles.
He stammered at the first girl he spoke to and put it down to nerves, he was so out of touch it was frightening but he was determined to keep at it until someone of the female persuasion took him on.
Walking past the town hall he saw several young ladies standing under the clock waiting for their prospective dates.
By the way she kept looking at her watch, he could sense the pick of the bunch was about to give it up and either go home or go somewhere else.
Bold as brass and thinking on his feet he confronted her. "Sorry I'm late doll, I couldn't find an open flower shop."
"Huh?"
"It is you isn't it, tell me I've got it right, didn't we arrange to meet at half seven under the town clock?"
"Well, I'd had a few drinks but I'm sure you were taller."
"Alcohol can do that to you, I'd have sworn you were shorter, I remember saying to myself she should be a model but is she tall enough?
"I am a model, I mean I was a model, I can't do it any more, not since the operation, not full body anyway."
"Full body?"
"You know, swimsuits and lingerie, I can do face, hands, feet, bums and hair."
Rammy studied her hairline while she spoke, worried he had stumbled onto something sinister when she mentioned her operation. No, her hair looked genuine enough and her forehead was scar free so it wasn't a frontal lobotomy.
"Oh yes, I remember now, you mentioned that last week, what was the operation again?"
"Cartilage, I slipped on the catwalk and wrecked my knee."
"They can fix that can't they, why should that stop you from modelling?"
"They did keyhole surgery which only left a tiny scar, then they found some floating bone and had to open up right under my kneecap to remove it because I was in agony."
"Well that's their loss, you're a very beautiful girl, I must have told you that last week."
"I don't remember, but thank you all the same."
Rammy led her to the quietest pub in town to get better acquainted. A little gentle probing revealed her name to be Janine, twenty two years old, just four years younger than he was.
He could sense the envious glances from the single, prowling males present and slipped nearer to Janine, paying close attention to every word she uttered, letting them know she was with him.
When they left, chins hit the floor as she linked his arm and sashayed out of the door.
They drank some more, danced until their feet hurt, had another few drinks and fetched up at the new Italian restaurant.
Janine's favourite food, Rammy decided there and then it was his favourite too. He ordered wine, had a sniff of the cork and allowed the waiter to pour, Janine seemed impressed. He excused himself and went to the toilet, catching the waiter's elbow and asking if he could recommend something from the menu, picking up the correct pronunciation and returning to his seat.
Ready to order, he asked Janine if she would trust his judgement and rattled off his choice like a native Italian when she gave him the nod.
Another bottle of wine and a serenade from a waiter and a violinist, she was putty in his hands.
A glance at her watch, "Goodness, where has the time gone?"
"Have you enjoyed yourself Janine?"
Saying her name like he meant it sealed it for him.
"Very much Rammy, can't you tell. By the way, what's Rammy short for?"
"Rambo."
"It never is, he he, c'mon, what's it short for?"
"Rampant."
"I'm sensing a pattern here, tell the truth Rammy."
"Ramsden, Norman Ramsden."
"I think we'll stick with Rammy. Would you like to walk me home?"
Janine lived twenty minute's walk away, during which time they stopped to kiss and fondle several times, the journey taking twice the estimated time, neither seemed to care.
The invitation to come in for a coffee wasn't refused either and initially, that's all it looked likely to be, a coffee.
Rammy considered his options carefully despite the copious amount of alcohol they had both consumed, deciding he shouldn't try to force the pace. He would kiss the girl and say goodnight, arrange another date and work out somewhere different to take her.
Rising to his hind legs, he took her by the hand and led her to the front door. "Thanks for a wonderful evening Janine, can we do it again sometime?" He whispered.
Janine smiled her gorgeous smile then put her husky voice to good effect. "You're going nowhere yet Rammy," she said, almost making him gag as she stuck her tongue down his throat, "this night isn't over yet, not by a long way."
Upstairs, Rammy made a point of kissing her scarred knee by way of demonstrating it was of no consequence to him. She giggled in appreciation, no one had ever done that before. Then she surrendered her body to him.
Rammy made the most of what was on offer, kissing and probing every inch of her and making her gasp as he made his entry. Everything fitted, they worked up a sweat between them, managed to finish as one and lay back panting for breath.
Rammy couldn't speak for Janine but he was in Heaven, no two ways about it. She stroked his neck and asked him how it had been .
"Can't you tell?" He asked. "I mean, can't you tell?"
"Same here," she purred, "same here."
Five minutes later she got to her feet and padded over to a chest of drawers, returning with a large folder. Rammy watched her every move then pored over last year's calendar shoot while Janine snuggled up close. Nothing smutty, just a swim suited young lady showing off her curves, very professional and tastefully done.
The portfolio hit the floor as they went for round two, neither knew where their energy came from. Contented, they fell asleep entwined when it was all over.
The alarm woke Rammy from his reverie. McGuigan, his old boxer dog, faced him on the pillow. McGuigan had been licking his balls, or worse, his arse. His fetid breath could have stripped paint. Rammy's big night out had been a dream, nothing but a dream, a wonderful, wonderful dream.
Swearwords: A couple of mild ones.
Description: Some dreams have been known to come true... and others?
_____________________________________________________________________
After six months of self imposed exile following an abusive relationship, Rammy decided to take the bull by the horns and put himself back in the shop window so to speak. He shaved the beard he had been cultivating, bought new clothes, casual, nothing fancy, spruced himself up and headed off for a night out on the tiles.
He stammered at the first girl he spoke to and put it down to nerves, he was so out of touch it was frightening but he was determined to keep at it until someone of the female persuasion took him on.
Walking past the town hall he saw several young ladies standing under the clock waiting for their prospective dates.
By the way she kept looking at her watch, he could sense the pick of the bunch was about to give it up and either go home or go somewhere else.
Bold as brass and thinking on his feet he confronted her. "Sorry I'm late doll, I couldn't find an open flower shop."
"Huh?"
"It is you isn't it, tell me I've got it right, didn't we arrange to meet at half seven under the town clock?"
"Well, I'd had a few drinks but I'm sure you were taller."
"Alcohol can do that to you, I'd have sworn you were shorter, I remember saying to myself she should be a model but is she tall enough?
"I am a model, I mean I was a model, I can't do it any more, not since the operation, not full body anyway."
"Full body?"
"You know, swimsuits and lingerie, I can do face, hands, feet, bums and hair."
Rammy studied her hairline while she spoke, worried he had stumbled onto something sinister when she mentioned her operation. No, her hair looked genuine enough and her forehead was scar free so it wasn't a frontal lobotomy.
"Oh yes, I remember now, you mentioned that last week, what was the operation again?"
"Cartilage, I slipped on the catwalk and wrecked my knee."
"They can fix that can't they, why should that stop you from modelling?"
"They did keyhole surgery which only left a tiny scar, then they found some floating bone and had to open up right under my kneecap to remove it because I was in agony."
"Well that's their loss, you're a very beautiful girl, I must have told you that last week."
"I don't remember, but thank you all the same."
Rammy led her to the quietest pub in town to get better acquainted. A little gentle probing revealed her name to be Janine, twenty two years old, just four years younger than he was.
He could sense the envious glances from the single, prowling males present and slipped nearer to Janine, paying close attention to every word she uttered, letting them know she was with him.
When they left, chins hit the floor as she linked his arm and sashayed out of the door.
They drank some more, danced until their feet hurt, had another few drinks and fetched up at the new Italian restaurant.
Janine's favourite food, Rammy decided there and then it was his favourite too. He ordered wine, had a sniff of the cork and allowed the waiter to pour, Janine seemed impressed. He excused himself and went to the toilet, catching the waiter's elbow and asking if he could recommend something from the menu, picking up the correct pronunciation and returning to his seat.
Ready to order, he asked Janine if she would trust his judgement and rattled off his choice like a native Italian when she gave him the nod.
Another bottle of wine and a serenade from a waiter and a violinist, she was putty in his hands.
A glance at her watch, "Goodness, where has the time gone?"
"Have you enjoyed yourself Janine?"
Saying her name like he meant it sealed it for him.
"Very much Rammy, can't you tell. By the way, what's Rammy short for?"
"Rambo."
"It never is, he he, c'mon, what's it short for?"
"Rampant."
"I'm sensing a pattern here, tell the truth Rammy."
"Ramsden, Norman Ramsden."
"I think we'll stick with Rammy. Would you like to walk me home?"
Janine lived twenty minute's walk away, during which time they stopped to kiss and fondle several times, the journey taking twice the estimated time, neither seemed to care.
The invitation to come in for a coffee wasn't refused either and initially, that's all it looked likely to be, a coffee.
Rammy considered his options carefully despite the copious amount of alcohol they had both consumed, deciding he shouldn't try to force the pace. He would kiss the girl and say goodnight, arrange another date and work out somewhere different to take her.
Rising to his hind legs, he took her by the hand and led her to the front door. "Thanks for a wonderful evening Janine, can we do it again sometime?" He whispered.
Janine smiled her gorgeous smile then put her husky voice to good effect. "You're going nowhere yet Rammy," she said, almost making him gag as she stuck her tongue down his throat, "this night isn't over yet, not by a long way."
Upstairs, Rammy made a point of kissing her scarred knee by way of demonstrating it was of no consequence to him. She giggled in appreciation, no one had ever done that before. Then she surrendered her body to him.
Rammy made the most of what was on offer, kissing and probing every inch of her and making her gasp as he made his entry. Everything fitted, they worked up a sweat between them, managed to finish as one and lay back panting for breath.
Rammy couldn't speak for Janine but he was in Heaven, no two ways about it. She stroked his neck and asked him how it had been .
"Can't you tell?" He asked. "I mean, can't you tell?"
"Same here," she purred, "same here."
Five minutes later she got to her feet and padded over to a chest of drawers, returning with a large folder. Rammy watched her every move then pored over last year's calendar shoot while Janine snuggled up close. Nothing smutty, just a swim suited young lady showing off her curves, very professional and tastefully done.
The portfolio hit the floor as they went for round two, neither knew where their energy came from. Contented, they fell asleep entwined when it was all over.
The alarm woke Rammy from his reverie. McGuigan, his old boxer dog, faced him on the pillow. McGuigan had been licking his balls, or worse, his arse. His fetid breath could have stripped paint. Rammy's big night out had been a dream, nothing but a dream, a wonderful, wonderful dream.
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in his 50s, an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in sunny Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He is inspired by the Ayrshire coast and likes what he calls "real music". He also enjoys pool, snooker and is a big fan of rugby league side, Wigan Warriors. He has written several novels and one poetry collection and says that writing gives him "endless pleasure". His two ebooks can be viewed by clicking on the images below.
Angus tells us that all his stories on McStorytellers have been inspired by the titles of songs written by Paul Kelly, who is often described as the poet laureate of Australia.
Angus tells us that all his stories on McStorytellers have been inspired by the titles of songs written by Paul Kelly, who is often described as the poet laureate of Australia.