Hide 'n' Seek
by Angus Shoor Caan
Genre: Humour
Swearwords: None.
Description: Coanvursation piece #2. A wee day oot.
_____________________________________________________________________
“Whit ye dain' Daddy.....ur ye busy?”
“A'm hoverin' between nine acroas in ri crossword an' whit a'm gonnae huv fur ma brekfist hen. Whit makes ye ask?”
“Y'uv no' furgoat y'ur huvin' oor Jensen while a go fur ma appointment?”
“Naw hen. Ah'll bey roon' in plenty a' time.”
“OK, see ye soon, cheerio.”
* * *
“Ye luk awfy tired Daddy. Ur ye shair y'ur up tae ris? A could sen' 'um roon' tae Elsie's bit rat boye a' hurs is a right toe-rag so 'e is.”
“Didnae sleep much wi' ma arthritis hen bit ah'll bey awright. A still don't see whye ri boye cannae play oot wi' 'es pals furra coupla 'oors mind.”
“A've telt ye whit a 'hink a' rese waens aboot ris wye afore Daddy. R'ur aw heid ri baws so ri ur. Last week wan oor Jensen's age taen a brush haunul tae 'es maw an' geid 'ur a guid pastin' wi' it.”
“Seevin yir aul'?”
“Mibbes eight, bit ye kin see whair a'm comin' fae.”
“Still an' aw hen, ri boye's gonnae huv tae get 'esel' some streetsmerts afore long ur wan ur two's gonnae stert rippin' ri pish oot e' 'um.”
“Wull you ken aw ri tricks sa whye don't ye pass oan a birra wisdom while y'uv goat 'um furriday?”
“Rat's no' a bad idea hen. Whair is ri wee fulla?”
“JENSEN.....GET YUR ERSE DOON HERE. YUR PAPA'S HERE TAE SEE YE.”
“Jeeezis Mags, y'uv a vice lit a foaghoarn so ye huv.”
“ 'E's probly watchin' 'es telly which is whye a need tae shout. Ah, here 'e is. Noo, you bey guid fur yur Papa d'ye hear me?”
* * *
“C'moan son, wull take a wee walk up ri country. It's a braw day, faur too braw tae bey sittin' in ri hoose.”
“Whit kinna burd's rat Papa?”
“ 'At's a Heron, a fishin' burd so it is. Y'ull nivir see two e' rum rigithur so y'ull no'. Mind ye, rey must go hame rigithur ur ye widnae git ony mair Herons. Ken whit a mean?”
“Aye, a 'hink sa.”
“Here, you kin cairy wur piece. A need tae keep ma een peel't while wur walkin'.”
* * *
“Whye ur wi stoapin' here Papa?”
“Jeest getting' wur bearin's son. Wi don't waant tae bey gaun' whur thur's nuhin' tae dae ur nuhin' tae see. Ken whit a'm sayin' here?”
“Aye Papa.”
* * *
“Papa?”
“Eh? Whit's rat son?”
“Whit's oan rur side a' thone hill awrerr?”
“A wis jeest wunnerin' rat masel. Tell ye whit, afore wi huv wur piece mibbes ye could run up rat hill an' come back 'n' tell is whit's oan rur side. 'Zat no' a guid idea?”
“Aye Papa. Yu'll no' eat aw rat piece whin a'm up rer, wull ye?”
“Wid a dae rat tae ma ain grandson? Whit kin a man dae ye take me fur?”
“Sorry Papa.”
* * *
“Ur's nuhin' rer Papa.”
“Eh? Whair um a? Whit time is it? Oh, yur back quick so ye ur, ye must bey a fast runner.”
“Ye need tae bey quick oan rat scheme Papa.”
“Ah'll bet. Sa whit did ye see?”
“Nuhin'.”
“Whit dae ye mean nuhin'? Whit kinna Indian Scout ur ye son?”
“Nuhin' bit fields.”
“Nae coos ur sheep ur hoarses ur nuhin' lit rat?”
“Naw Papa.”
“Wull aw a kin say is it's a guid joab wi didnae borr gin up rer eh? Ur ye ready furra piece?”
“Aye Papa, a'm starvin' so a'm ur.”
* * *
“Sa whit ur wi waitin' fur noo Papa?”
“W'ur lettin' wur dinner settle son. Disnae make ony sense tae go harearsin' aboot jeest efter yu'v hud yur piece.”
“Er's a rabbit Papa, kin ye see it?”
“Seen it afore you son, bit fuull marks fur keepin' yur een peel't.”
“Ye kin eat rabbits kint ye Papa?”
“Aye. D'ye 'hink mibbes ye could hit it wi' a stane?”
“U'll huv a go aye.”
“Guid man. Lerris ken how ye git oan eh?”
“Wull ye bey watchin' Papa.”
“That a wull son, ye kin bet oan rat.”
* * *
“ 'E ran awa' afore a ran oot e' stanes Papa.”
“Eh? Who's rat? Aw nivir mind eh, better luck ri nixt tum.”
“Is wur dinner doon yit Papa?”
“Probly aye.”
“Sa whit'll wey dae noo?”
“A 'hink a've worked it oot. See whit ye 'hink e' ris plan. Ye run tae ri tap e' rone ur hill yonnur an' see whit lies beyond. Ren ye report back tae me, yur five stor general, an' wu'll take it fae rer, OK?”
“OK?”
* * *
“ 'Ur's even less'n ur is et ri tap e' rat furst hill Papa.”
“Whit? Who's rat?”
“Wis you sleepin' Papa?”
“Sleepin'? Me? Generals don't sleep whin rur best sojurs is oot oan patrol. Gei's yur report Lieutenant an' don't spare ony details.”
“ 'Ur's nuhin' rer. No' a sheep ur a coo ur a hoarse.”
“Nae pint in is gin up rer ren eh. Y'ur pechin' fur braith rer son sa sit doon an' take five while a huv a wee 'hink aboot wur nixt move.”
* * *
“Papa yu'r snorin' so ye ur.”
“Rat's ma sinuses so it is. Ah'll need tae go tae ri doactur wae rum so a wull.”
“Is it time tae go hame Papa?”
“Aye mibbes. Birrit's been a braw day intit?”
“Aye Papa.”
* * *
“Ye luk a loat better'n before Daddy. Huv yis hud a guid day?”
“Aye hen, wi huv rat.”
“Sa whit did yis git up tae? By ri wye a need tae go back nixt week fur mair tests. Kin ye huv 'um again fur me.”
“ 'Zat a spoat a' rain oan ri windae? Better bring yur waashin' in afore it gits ony heavier eh?”
“A didnae 'hink it wid rain bit ri waashin'll bey dry sae a might is weel bring it in.”
* * *
“Here oor Jensen, don't tell yur mammy whit yu'v been up tae ri day, OK son?”
“How Papa?”
“ 'Cos shu'll waant tae come wi' is ri nixt tum 'n' rat'll spile wur fun; d'ye no' 'hink?”
“Lea' it wi' me Papa, bit here, kin you mibbes run up wan a' rem hills nixt week?”
“Thur'll bey naeb'dy runnin' up nae hills nixt week Lieutenant.”
“How come?”
“ 'Cos nixt week wu'r playin' hide 'n' seek. An' you're in ri frame fur tae bey hidin' furst. Yer mibbes wise tae get some practice in 'cos a'm ris area's reignin' champeen so am ur.”
Swearwords: None.
Description: Coanvursation piece #2. A wee day oot.
_____________________________________________________________________
“Whit ye dain' Daddy.....ur ye busy?”
“A'm hoverin' between nine acroas in ri crossword an' whit a'm gonnae huv fur ma brekfist hen. Whit makes ye ask?”
“Y'uv no' furgoat y'ur huvin' oor Jensen while a go fur ma appointment?”
“Naw hen. Ah'll bey roon' in plenty a' time.”
“OK, see ye soon, cheerio.”
* * *
“Ye luk awfy tired Daddy. Ur ye shair y'ur up tae ris? A could sen' 'um roon' tae Elsie's bit rat boye a' hurs is a right toe-rag so 'e is.”
“Didnae sleep much wi' ma arthritis hen bit ah'll bey awright. A still don't see whye ri boye cannae play oot wi' 'es pals furra coupla 'oors mind.”
“A've telt ye whit a 'hink a' rese waens aboot ris wye afore Daddy. R'ur aw heid ri baws so ri ur. Last week wan oor Jensen's age taen a brush haunul tae 'es maw an' geid 'ur a guid pastin' wi' it.”
“Seevin yir aul'?”
“Mibbes eight, bit ye kin see whair a'm comin' fae.”
“Still an' aw hen, ri boye's gonnae huv tae get 'esel' some streetsmerts afore long ur wan ur two's gonnae stert rippin' ri pish oot e' 'um.”
“Wull you ken aw ri tricks sa whye don't ye pass oan a birra wisdom while y'uv goat 'um furriday?”
“Rat's no' a bad idea hen. Whair is ri wee fulla?”
“JENSEN.....GET YUR ERSE DOON HERE. YUR PAPA'S HERE TAE SEE YE.”
“Jeeezis Mags, y'uv a vice lit a foaghoarn so ye huv.”
“ 'E's probly watchin' 'es telly which is whye a need tae shout. Ah, here 'e is. Noo, you bey guid fur yur Papa d'ye hear me?”
* * *
“C'moan son, wull take a wee walk up ri country. It's a braw day, faur too braw tae bey sittin' in ri hoose.”
“Whit kinna burd's rat Papa?”
“ 'At's a Heron, a fishin' burd so it is. Y'ull nivir see two e' rum rigithur so y'ull no'. Mind ye, rey must go hame rigithur ur ye widnae git ony mair Herons. Ken whit a mean?”
“Aye, a 'hink sa.”
“Here, you kin cairy wur piece. A need tae keep ma een peel't while wur walkin'.”
* * *
“Whye ur wi stoapin' here Papa?”
“Jeest getting' wur bearin's son. Wi don't waant tae bey gaun' whur thur's nuhin' tae dae ur nuhin' tae see. Ken whit a'm sayin' here?”
“Aye Papa.”
* * *
“Papa?”
“Eh? Whit's rat son?”
“Whit's oan rur side a' thone hill awrerr?”
“A wis jeest wunnerin' rat masel. Tell ye whit, afore wi huv wur piece mibbes ye could run up rat hill an' come back 'n' tell is whit's oan rur side. 'Zat no' a guid idea?”
“Aye Papa. Yu'll no' eat aw rat piece whin a'm up rer, wull ye?”
“Wid a dae rat tae ma ain grandson? Whit kin a man dae ye take me fur?”
“Sorry Papa.”
* * *
“Ur's nuhin' rer Papa.”
“Eh? Whair um a? Whit time is it? Oh, yur back quick so ye ur, ye must bey a fast runner.”
“Ye need tae bey quick oan rat scheme Papa.”
“Ah'll bet. Sa whit did ye see?”
“Nuhin'.”
“Whit dae ye mean nuhin'? Whit kinna Indian Scout ur ye son?”
“Nuhin' bit fields.”
“Nae coos ur sheep ur hoarses ur nuhin' lit rat?”
“Naw Papa.”
“Wull aw a kin say is it's a guid joab wi didnae borr gin up rer eh? Ur ye ready furra piece?”
“Aye Papa, a'm starvin' so a'm ur.”
* * *
“Sa whit ur wi waitin' fur noo Papa?”
“W'ur lettin' wur dinner settle son. Disnae make ony sense tae go harearsin' aboot jeest efter yu'v hud yur piece.”
“Er's a rabbit Papa, kin ye see it?”
“Seen it afore you son, bit fuull marks fur keepin' yur een peel't.”
“Ye kin eat rabbits kint ye Papa?”
“Aye. D'ye 'hink mibbes ye could hit it wi' a stane?”
“U'll huv a go aye.”
“Guid man. Lerris ken how ye git oan eh?”
“Wull ye bey watchin' Papa.”
“That a wull son, ye kin bet oan rat.”
* * *
“ 'E ran awa' afore a ran oot e' stanes Papa.”
“Eh? Who's rat? Aw nivir mind eh, better luck ri nixt tum.”
“Is wur dinner doon yit Papa?”
“Probly aye.”
“Sa whit'll wey dae noo?”
“A 'hink a've worked it oot. See whit ye 'hink e' ris plan. Ye run tae ri tap e' rone ur hill yonnur an' see whit lies beyond. Ren ye report back tae me, yur five stor general, an' wu'll take it fae rer, OK?”
“OK?”
* * *
“ 'Ur's even less'n ur is et ri tap e' rat furst hill Papa.”
“Whit? Who's rat?”
“Wis you sleepin' Papa?”
“Sleepin'? Me? Generals don't sleep whin rur best sojurs is oot oan patrol. Gei's yur report Lieutenant an' don't spare ony details.”
“ 'Ur's nuhin' rer. No' a sheep ur a coo ur a hoarse.”
“Nae pint in is gin up rer ren eh. Y'ur pechin' fur braith rer son sa sit doon an' take five while a huv a wee 'hink aboot wur nixt move.”
* * *
“Papa yu'r snorin' so ye ur.”
“Rat's ma sinuses so it is. Ah'll need tae go tae ri doactur wae rum so a wull.”
“Is it time tae go hame Papa?”
“Aye mibbes. Birrit's been a braw day intit?”
“Aye Papa.”
* * *
“Ye luk a loat better'n before Daddy. Huv yis hud a guid day?”
“Aye hen, wi huv rat.”
“Sa whit did yis git up tae? By ri wye a need tae go back nixt week fur mair tests. Kin ye huv 'um again fur me.”
“ 'Zat a spoat a' rain oan ri windae? Better bring yur waashin' in afore it gits ony heavier eh?”
“A didnae 'hink it wid rain bit ri waashin'll bey dry sae a might is weel bring it in.”
* * *
“Here oor Jensen, don't tell yur mammy whit yu'v been up tae ri day, OK son?”
“How Papa?”
“ 'Cos shu'll waant tae come wi' is ri nixt tum 'n' rat'll spile wur fun; d'ye no' 'hink?”
“Lea' it wi' me Papa, bit here, kin you mibbes run up wan a' rem hills nixt week?”
“Thur'll bey naeb'dy runnin' up nae hills nixt week Lieutenant.”
“How come?”
“ 'Cos nixt week wu'r playin' hide 'n' seek. An' you're in ri frame fur tae bey hidin' furst. Yer mibbes wise tae get some practice in 'cos a'm ris area's reignin' champeen so am ur.”
About the Author
Angus Shoor Caan is in an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He has a number of publications to his name, including Coont Thum and Tattie Zkowen's Perfect Days, both of which have been published by McStorytellers.