About A Girl
by Jen Hughes
Genre: Drama
Swearwords: A couple of strong ones.
Description: Sara is so happy to have made a great group of friends and is ecstatic to find that her handsome and artistic friend, Bryn, fancies her. But she soon finds that they are not what they make out to be.
Swearwords: A couple of strong ones.
Description: Sara is so happy to have made a great group of friends and is ecstatic to find that her handsome and artistic friend, Bryn, fancies her. But she soon finds that they are not what they make out to be.
Times get lonely as a first year. My school is blindingly bright, and so noisy it hurts me. It’s hard for me to make friends. The only people like me are these group of funny guys in my class. Luke, the rock star; Nicholas and Mike, the goofballs; and Bryn, the artist. They smell like cigarettes and rain. They smile at me. They’re my friends. They let me sip their juice, smoke fags, and listen to their rock music. They dance with me. They asked if they could come after school, and they’ve kept coming since. They’re real nice to Mum, too, especially Bryn. His eyes twinkle, his brain works. I like him best.
The guys are at my house tonight while Mum’s at work. It’s raining real heavily on the window. Gosh, I hope she’s not been caught up in that! The music is loud and growly and it hurts my brain a little, but everyone is happy. Nicholas and Mike are dancing like a couple of chimps. Luke has gone somewhere, probably the toilet. Bryn is drawing a girl in his tatty notepad.
I move closer to him. “Who are you drawing?”
He smiles at me. “Just a girl,” he smiles.
Luke walks in, eventually, with four opened bottles of beer, two in each hand. I’m sure Mum will be okay with us having one. A Nirvana song comes on. You know the one, come as you are, as you were, as I want it to be… They take a bottle each from Luke. Bryn looks at me, and hands me one. Our hands touch when he hands me the bottle. I close my eyes and take a sip. It’s got a nice aftertaste! He’s been looking at me the whole time.
“Is that good?”
I nod. “Yeah.” He puts down his notebook. The red cover’s covered in white scar-like tears. “I like this song,” I say.
“Aye, gidd, in’t it? Can’t beat a bit of Nirvana. My key worker likes it, too…”
Is that like a nurse or something? “What’s a key worker?”
“Someone from the children’s home who looks out for me.”
Bryn told me he lives in a kids home, and his mum doesn’t see him anymore. That must be so hard. I keep wondering what it’s like to live there. It must be so crowded and noisy, but Bryn says it’s a laugh. At least he’s happy, right?
“Hey… Sara…?” Bryn asks me, leaning closer.
Gosh. He’s very close. “… Yeah?”
“I-I really want to kiss you right now.”
Really? This can’t be real. “Are you drunk?”
“Course no, this is my second beer. Why?”
“Just that….” I lose my words. “Nothing. It’s just… nobody’s kissed me before.”
The other guys are dancing about like idiots. Mike has wandered off somewhere, god knows where. They don’t seem to notice Bryn has gotten real close to me.
“Can I change that?” he asks. His eyes are like supernovas.
“Sure. I don’t know what–”
He leans in and kisses me. Soft.
… To do. He tastes like cigarettes and beer. It makes my head tingle. Before I know it, Bryn has his face and my hands. Man! What a rush! He takes me by the hand and leads me upstairs. I think Nicholas and Luke are too busy wrestling each other to notice we’ve gone.
We go upstairs and in my bedroom. He’s not been up here before. He doesn’t notice the pink walls, or the baby blue bed sheets he gently pushes me onto. He climbs on top of me and kisses more. He’s hungry for me! I never knew I was so tasty! Gosh, this is special. Maybe he’s the one!
“My god, I want you…” he pants.
My words are totally gone. We roll over, and he puts me on top. As we’re kissing, I can hear his fly unzip. Why is he getting that out? What do I do with it? He looks into my eyes.
“Do you want to…?” Bryn asks me.
I pause. What do I say? I nod. He expects me to do something, but what exactly?
“I’ll guide you” he smiles, taking my hand and placing it there. It’s warm, and hard. My hand is wrapped around it, and he pushes it up and down. He ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’. “Just like that…”
But just as I lean into kiss him, the front door swings open and Mum shouts,
“Hey Sara-bear, I’m home!”
We look at each other for a moment. Why does Bryn suddenly look so scared? It’s just Mum! She likes Bryn best.
“HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDS DOING IN HERE?” she yells at the top of her lungs. “PUT THOSE BACK RIGHT NOW!!!”
What?!
“Bryn, what’s going on?” I ask him, as he lies on my bed. Why has he gone white? It’s like he’s seen a ghost.
“Shit!” he yells. He shoots up, pushing me aside, stands up and hikes up his trousers.
“Where are you going? We can say to Mum, together. It’s just us Luke, Nicholas and Mike, that’s all.”
He looks down as he zips back up his fly. “No, Sara, it’s not. There’s more.”
“Who?”
“Other people in our year.”
“What? Why didn’t they say they were coming?”
“They don’t want to be seen with a retard,” Bryn sighs.
What? But if I’m a retard, then why did he want to kiss me so bad? Why did he say he wanted me?
“I-I-I don’t understand?”
“I’m sorry. That’s just what they think.” He chokes up a little. “I have to go.” He heads for the window. Mum will catch him if he goes out the door.
They’re happy to take from a retard’s beer cupboard. I cry. “I thought you were good.”
He pauses. “Guess not.” I can hear guilt and anger in his voice. He climbs out the window.
I can’t move from this bed. I can hear laughing as they run out onto the streets. I crawl towards the window. I can see a whole crowd of people running out my backyard. They laugh like bats. I hope that Bryn feels guilty. I don’t hear his voice. I hope I never hear it again!
The door swings open. I look up and there’s Mum. Her face is red. She rushes towards me. Is she going to hit me? I deserve to be hit, after this. But she hugs me. I remember that she doesn’t hit.
“Did one of those boys touch you?”
“Yeah. Bryn.” I cry. “B-But I wanted him to touch me.”
She holds me close and I scream and sob. “Mum, I’m-sorry-I-let-them in-in the cupboard! I did-didn’t think they’d take much, I’ll work forever to make-make-it-up-to you! I’m sorry!”
“Fuck the beer, Sara,” Mum declares.
“What? But-But you’re angry?”
She’s got right to be, they got all the beer. I thought they were my friends. Why would people pretend? How could I not see? Am I really a retard? Maybe I deserve it…
“It’s not your fault! They said they were your friends,” Mum reassures me. Her voice calms down a little. “How were you to know they were up to no good?”
That’s true. They were so nice to me, how could I know? Mum continues, “I have to go to the school about this.”
No! Please no! They’ll hate me! “But Mum…” I plead.
“No, honey, I have to. That kind of bullying has to be dealt with. It’s not an acceptable way to treat someone with Autism.”
She’s sure. And I don’t argue with Mum when she’s sure. My head’s screaming, but I know she’s right. They need trouble for what they did.
“Okay, Mum.”
She says I don’t have to go to school tomorrow. She says that if the school don’t do anything, she will move my school. I don’t want to have to move school again. But I can’t stay where they’re bad to me. Those boys seem so far away in the past, at least for now. Well, except Bryn. His face still scares me.
I get into my pyjamas, and Mum brings me up some hot chocolate. We chat, and watch television until I am calm. I have never been so glad to have her.
The guys are at my house tonight while Mum’s at work. It’s raining real heavily on the window. Gosh, I hope she’s not been caught up in that! The music is loud and growly and it hurts my brain a little, but everyone is happy. Nicholas and Mike are dancing like a couple of chimps. Luke has gone somewhere, probably the toilet. Bryn is drawing a girl in his tatty notepad.
I move closer to him. “Who are you drawing?”
He smiles at me. “Just a girl,” he smiles.
Luke walks in, eventually, with four opened bottles of beer, two in each hand. I’m sure Mum will be okay with us having one. A Nirvana song comes on. You know the one, come as you are, as you were, as I want it to be… They take a bottle each from Luke. Bryn looks at me, and hands me one. Our hands touch when he hands me the bottle. I close my eyes and take a sip. It’s got a nice aftertaste! He’s been looking at me the whole time.
“Is that good?”
I nod. “Yeah.” He puts down his notebook. The red cover’s covered in white scar-like tears. “I like this song,” I say.
“Aye, gidd, in’t it? Can’t beat a bit of Nirvana. My key worker likes it, too…”
Is that like a nurse or something? “What’s a key worker?”
“Someone from the children’s home who looks out for me.”
Bryn told me he lives in a kids home, and his mum doesn’t see him anymore. That must be so hard. I keep wondering what it’s like to live there. It must be so crowded and noisy, but Bryn says it’s a laugh. At least he’s happy, right?
“Hey… Sara…?” Bryn asks me, leaning closer.
Gosh. He’s very close. “… Yeah?”
“I-I really want to kiss you right now.”
Really? This can’t be real. “Are you drunk?”
“Course no, this is my second beer. Why?”
“Just that….” I lose my words. “Nothing. It’s just… nobody’s kissed me before.”
The other guys are dancing about like idiots. Mike has wandered off somewhere, god knows where. They don’t seem to notice Bryn has gotten real close to me.
“Can I change that?” he asks. His eyes are like supernovas.
“Sure. I don’t know what–”
He leans in and kisses me. Soft.
… To do. He tastes like cigarettes and beer. It makes my head tingle. Before I know it, Bryn has his face and my hands. Man! What a rush! He takes me by the hand and leads me upstairs. I think Nicholas and Luke are too busy wrestling each other to notice we’ve gone.
We go upstairs and in my bedroom. He’s not been up here before. He doesn’t notice the pink walls, or the baby blue bed sheets he gently pushes me onto. He climbs on top of me and kisses more. He’s hungry for me! I never knew I was so tasty! Gosh, this is special. Maybe he’s the one!
“My god, I want you…” he pants.
My words are totally gone. We roll over, and he puts me on top. As we’re kissing, I can hear his fly unzip. Why is he getting that out? What do I do with it? He looks into my eyes.
“Do you want to…?” Bryn asks me.
I pause. What do I say? I nod. He expects me to do something, but what exactly?
“I’ll guide you” he smiles, taking my hand and placing it there. It’s warm, and hard. My hand is wrapped around it, and he pushes it up and down. He ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’. “Just like that…”
But just as I lean into kiss him, the front door swings open and Mum shouts,
“Hey Sara-bear, I’m home!”
We look at each other for a moment. Why does Bryn suddenly look so scared? It’s just Mum! She likes Bryn best.
“HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDS DOING IN HERE?” she yells at the top of her lungs. “PUT THOSE BACK RIGHT NOW!!!”
What?!
“Bryn, what’s going on?” I ask him, as he lies on my bed. Why has he gone white? It’s like he’s seen a ghost.
“Shit!” he yells. He shoots up, pushing me aside, stands up and hikes up his trousers.
“Where are you going? We can say to Mum, together. It’s just us Luke, Nicholas and Mike, that’s all.”
He looks down as he zips back up his fly. “No, Sara, it’s not. There’s more.”
“Who?”
“Other people in our year.”
“What? Why didn’t they say they were coming?”
“They don’t want to be seen with a retard,” Bryn sighs.
What? But if I’m a retard, then why did he want to kiss me so bad? Why did he say he wanted me?
“I-I-I don’t understand?”
“I’m sorry. That’s just what they think.” He chokes up a little. “I have to go.” He heads for the window. Mum will catch him if he goes out the door.
They’re happy to take from a retard’s beer cupboard. I cry. “I thought you were good.”
He pauses. “Guess not.” I can hear guilt and anger in his voice. He climbs out the window.
I can’t move from this bed. I can hear laughing as they run out onto the streets. I crawl towards the window. I can see a whole crowd of people running out my backyard. They laugh like bats. I hope that Bryn feels guilty. I don’t hear his voice. I hope I never hear it again!
The door swings open. I look up and there’s Mum. Her face is red. She rushes towards me. Is she going to hit me? I deserve to be hit, after this. But she hugs me. I remember that she doesn’t hit.
“Did one of those boys touch you?”
“Yeah. Bryn.” I cry. “B-But I wanted him to touch me.”
She holds me close and I scream and sob. “Mum, I’m-sorry-I-let-them in-in the cupboard! I did-didn’t think they’d take much, I’ll work forever to make-make-it-up-to you! I’m sorry!”
“Fuck the beer, Sara,” Mum declares.
“What? But-But you’re angry?”
She’s got right to be, they got all the beer. I thought they were my friends. Why would people pretend? How could I not see? Am I really a retard? Maybe I deserve it…
“It’s not your fault! They said they were your friends,” Mum reassures me. Her voice calms down a little. “How were you to know they were up to no good?”
That’s true. They were so nice to me, how could I know? Mum continues, “I have to go to the school about this.”
No! Please no! They’ll hate me! “But Mum…” I plead.
“No, honey, I have to. That kind of bullying has to be dealt with. It’s not an acceptable way to treat someone with Autism.”
She’s sure. And I don’t argue with Mum when she’s sure. My head’s screaming, but I know she’s right. They need trouble for what they did.
“Okay, Mum.”
She says I don’t have to go to school tomorrow. She says that if the school don’t do anything, she will move my school. I don’t want to have to move school again. But I can’t stay where they’re bad to me. Those boys seem so far away in the past, at least for now. Well, except Bryn. His face still scares me.
I get into my pyjamas, and Mum brings me up some hot chocolate. We chat, and watch television until I am calm. I have never been so glad to have her.
About the Author
Jen Hughes is a passionately Scottish young writer who lives in Ayrshire. She has been published in various online journals, including Minus Paper and Gaelstrom, and has her own website: dearoctopuswriting.wordpress.com